Crimson Rose
by BlackWiltedRose
Summary: I clung on tighter to the desire of love, even in its most destructive form. Little did I know that I would find it in the shape of a young man named Sodapop Curtis & a group of boys who would not only show me love, but life from the other side. COMPLETE!
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

I look back now and remember growing up as a young girl in the 1960's. It was the era of peace and love. It was the time of tough cars, the first broadcasted national presidential election, Woodstock, civil rights, Vietnam and the first man in space. It was unlike any era that had come before it or that would ever be again. It left a severe impact not just in history, but in my heart.

When I was a child my mother would tell me persistently that everything in life happens for a reason. Each night before sleep we would say our prayers by my bedside and she would whisper in my ear "be at peace darling," then she would turned off the light and exit the room. I still remember the smell of her lilac perfume that lingered in the air for a brief moment after her departure and the sound of her gown as it brushed against the carpet where we knelt. My mother would remind me daily that there was nothing to fear and that I must always remember that God has a plan for me. I truly believed that she was right and that I was safe. I had never any doubt in my mind that whatever God had planned for me in the future, it would be truly glorious. However as time passed by and I began to know closer the morality and price of living, I came to realize that it was up to me to decide what to do with the time that was given to me. This new realization frightened me and brought with it the fear of failure that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

I still look back often with wondering eyes upon the woman who had given me life and I admire the depth of strength that radiated from within every inch of her soul. The quality of her character fascinated me. She had married young and for money, which was customary in those days. Born the first of six children to a wealthy plantation owner in Georgia. She was shipped away to a Catholic boarding school in Oklahoma when she was only ten years old. She saw her parents twice a year and after the age of sixteen, those visits were sparse and soon became none existent. The last time she returned home was to collect her inheritance from the bank and to sweep away the ashes that were all that remained of the fire that had killed her entire family. My mother had been bred to prosper and that was exactly what she did.

My father was a frivolous ivy league college man who often lived beyond his means and thrived off of the success of the glass factory that he had built from the foundation up. We saw him very little and when he did grace us with his presence for an hour each night at dinner, we were reimbursed for his lack of company with possessions and lavish gifts, instead of love. I often wondered what condition my mothers heart must have been in, to love so deeply a man who loved only his wealth. She received no compensation for her devotion, except solitude. How lonely a life my mother must have lived and yet she had bore it with such elegance and grace, that her pain was barely visible even to those who knew her well.

Since the day of my birth, my mother had adored me as more than just a child. To her I was a gift from God to fill the hole that my father had left in her life. I gave her both companionship and undivided attention. She felt no need to impress upon me her worth and value, for there was nothing that she could have done to make me adore her less. I see now that her true insecurity which was clearly evident in her perfectionism and if I had not been so blind at the time, I would have seen it then. My father had made it very clear with each disdainful glare in her direction when she spoke, that she was not worthy of his love. She was merely something that he tolerated simply for beauty and reputations sake. She was a young beautiful bride for an ugly and evil heart to adorn like jewelery and then take off when nobody was looking. I was the first product of their love and I would be the last.

I saw the fear in her eyes each time that she burned my toast at breakfast or the way that her hands trembled when she told me why she did not believe that it was proper for me to be out past eleven unsupervised. Any other parent would have been firm and secure in the upbringing of their children, my mother was terrified. She feared that at any moment I would see what my father saw and cast her away. This was an impossible occurrence and still to this day, I wish that I would have told her so. I wish that I could repeat those moments and see life through the eyes that I have now. Yet the past is concrete, solid and unchangeable. You can do nothing except accept it for what it is and move forward with what you have left.

Her consistent advice was a nuisance at such a rebellious age and yet it was the one thing that has remained stained in my mind forever, untainted and untarnished, even as the memory of her face seems to fade with time. My mother had told me that I must be cautious with each step that I take in life, paying careful attention so that I do not fall. She explained softly that everyone will fall at some point in their lives and by her own selfless actions she had demonstrated to me daily how to stand back up with dignity. There are times when we come upon certain crossroads in our life and the decisions we are forced to make have a way of steering us down the wrong paths. It takes practice to listen closely and allow our hearts to lead us home again. My mother was a very wise women and I was simply a foolish child who did not heed her warnings and ignored her advice. I was much too caught up in the glamor and dramatics of adolescents to pay much attention to wisdom. Yet I never knew until the day when my mother was killed and my world began to disintegrate before my very eyes, just how wise she really was.

I think back now over the woman that I had been in those days. I was a healthy child in the middle of my youth, sixteen to be exact. Before my mother had died I was the prominent figure of the stereotypical social elite. I was a big shot at Tulsa High. Only a sophomore and yet I had ruled the very foundation of that school. I thrived off of the knowledge that I was was the envy of every female in that dull and dreary city. I could feel their eyes on me each morning as I pulled up into the parking lot with my auspicious new 1964 Pontiac GTO convertible and the senior captain of the varsity basketball team on my arm. There was nothing more that I could have possibly desired. I had it all. At least that is what society had crafted me to believe.

I know better now.

I know now how truly naive and shallow I had been. I thought more highly of myself than any human had a right to. Maybe all that has happened in my life since then, was merely a lesson in the self-destruction of vanity. I was a cone artist, an actress of the most deceptive sort. It took little effort to cover up my arrogance with a sweet disposition and a fake sense of humility. For I knew very well that there was not a single speck of humility within me. I had learned to hide it with skill. It would have broken my mothers heart to see what her daughter had truly become. On the outside I was a saint and on the inside I was selfish and cruel. My heart had grown hard and cold to the feelings of others, frozen solid and had lacked the malleability to form itself around anyone or anything except it's own center. I had watched my parents relationship most intently as I grew up. I had studied their every move and I knew exactly what happens when you give a piece of yourself away. You become lost. So I found a way to fool those around me. They took my reserved demeanor as meekness, when really it was simply selfishness. Yet even through the act that I portrayed each day, my arrogance often had a way of showing off best when in a crowed.

I craved the attention of others. I remember the thrill that I had received from simply knowing that someone knew that I existed. I was quick witted and conniving. There was nothing that I had ever wanted, that I could not have. I was so skilled at the art of deceiving that I often had my friends smiling as I insulted them and handing me things, before they even knew what they were giving me. When a new student at school would ask me for my name, I would be the first to say softly like drops of acid "My name is Diana Valentino, Valentine to those who know me and you...do not." Preceding a sweet smile, I would exit the room with a toss of my deep brown hair as it fell in cascades of curls down my slender back.

My life was flawless. I would look around with my deep blue eyes and see nothing but a bright future laid sprawled out before me. Destruction was the very last thing that I had anticipated and yet it slowly slithering in undetected. I had not the slightest inclination that all of the light was fading from my life, until the day that it had disappeared completely. Lightening struck the center of my universe and my world was left in darkness.

I can still feel my heart pounding in my chest and the terrible cold as I touched my mothers hand in the coffin for the last time. She was gone, taken from me during the time in my life when I had needed her the most. I starred upon her face and yet it was not really her face at all. She was no longer there, her soul had ascended into heaven, of that I was certain. Of what I was not so certain was whether or not I would join her there someday. Now all that remained before me was her body, like a porcelain doll in a box. Her lower half had been covered at our request, crushed beyond recognition from the impact of the car that had taken her life. I cried right there in the middle of that morbid room as I squeezed her hand tightly in my own. She never squeezed back. I can not remember how long I just knelt there wallowing in my own self pity. No one disturbed me. No one cared. They were all too concerned with their own business to notice the child on her knees in the shadow. I leaned in closely and whispered in her ear "be at peace now."

I closed my eyes and turned away from her for the last time. I walked out into the dark streets of town with no clear direction as to where I was heading. I was alone, not physically alone but I was screaming inside. I was begging, mourning for the family that I no longer had. Within me there dwelt a secret longing for my father to hold me, to tell me that he loved me and that everything would be all right. That was the one thing that I had needed the most and yet I knew that it was the one thing that would never come. Nothing would ever be the same and yet nothing ever is after something so devastating occurs. You pick up the pieces of what's left of the puzzle and you piece them back together again as best as you can. The holes will forever remain and the picture will never seem quite as beautiful without them. It will never be complete. This was my life now.

I remained still as time continued to move forward. Slowly I began to waste away and clung on even tighter to the desire of love, even in its most destructive form. Little did I know that it would be revealed to me in the shape of a young man named Sodapop Curtis and a group of boys who would not only show me love but life from the other side.


	2. One Stone

**One Stone  
**

Time had become obsolete in my life as the two weeks after my mothers funeral had passed by without my knowledge or formal concern for its departure. Each day was meaningless. Each day was the same. Feeling entered me again only after a quite humorous display of my clumsy tendency's where I found myself sprawled out on my bedroom floor with a deep gash across my forehead from colliding with a bookshelf.

My laugh echoed throughout the empty halls and I had sat there still and silent, with wide eyes as it died away down the hall. I took a deep breath and looked around my room. For the first time in days, I could actually see my surroundings. The light from the sun shone brightly through the window on the far right wall and the beautiful stained glass in its setting cast its iridescent reflection upon the oak desk below it. I judged it to have been around six in the morning, from its position in the sky.

I continued to stare at the large window across from me, as if in a trance. When I was nine years old I had rescued it from a condemned church a few miles south from where we lived and I had begged my father for weeks to have it placed in my bedroom. He was reluctant to say the least and yet like always, he did whatever we had asked to keep us satisfied. The image was of the Virgin Mary holding Baby Jesus in her arms and surrounded by vines and cascades of crimson roses. There was something so vivid about the portrayal of love and sacrifice demonstrated within it, that it had touched my heart and compelled me to save it from it's demolition.

I had been forced back in to reality by the warm liquid that had begun to roll fluidly down the corner of my nose. I climbed to my feet and walked over to the mirror above the white wicker vanity that sat beside my closet. Blood was trickling in a steady flow from a cut directly above my left eyebrow. I grabbed a white tea towel that our maid Martha had brought up with breakfast that morning and pressed gently it against the wound. I kept it there for a few moments and then removed it. It was a tiny gash no larger than the size of the tip of a pencil and yet it had completely stained the cloth the color red. I grew slightly nauseous and threw it quickly in to the trash can on the floor by my left foot and laid down on my back upon my bed.

I fought fiercely against the urge to relapse back within the trance that had consumed me for so long. I had just begun to regain some mental structure and sense of what was normal in my life. I refused to go back to the time when I had spent most of my days refusing to move, lying on my bed while gazing up at the ceiling and bitterly wiping away the tears that occasionally danced down my hallow cheeks. Memories and nightmares plagued my mind in endless streams. I could see nothing but her face. I could hear nothing but her voice. No sleep came to my weary world of torment. I could not close my eyes without dreaming of blood and screaming that awoke me shaking and alone in the night. Food was almost impossible to keep down and yet I ate anyway, in some fragile attempt to sustain myself.

I knew deep within my despair that I had to move on with my life. No justice would come from my mothers existence if I had given up and just died beside her. Although that was a tempting thought at times. I had loved life at one point and somehow I knew that I would find the will to live again. I was my mothers child. I was strong and I would triumph.

These were the exact words that I had repeated to myself as I climbed out of the bed and walked down the wooden stairs and into the kitchen located in the east wing of the house. I moved at a slow pace and peered around every corner. I had not seen my father since the previous night and I was not keen on another encounter like the one that had occurred.

The last time I heard his was voice was as he kicked my door off it's hinges and in a state of pure rage, declared that I was to get up immediately and return to school the next day. He had lost his wife, but not his sense of pride. I knew him well enough to know that his reputation was his life and that he was not about to have a teenage dropout as his daughter. This was his decision and it would not be disputed. For a single moment before he left the room our matching eyes collided and I cowered away from the hatred that lingered there.

I shook my head in a way to expel the thoughts and grabbed a blueberry muffin from the fridge for breakfast before I returned quickly to my room. I pulled on a pale gray knee length skirt and a blue argyle cardigan that hung loosely over my malnourished frame. My hair was in a tight ponytail high upon the back of my head as I grabbed my three school books off my dresser and walked down the stairs.

Nothing had changed in that old stone house and yet it was as if the very foundation began to rot away at the loss of my mother. For eighteen years she had been its primary caretaker. Every layer of carpet, every floral paper that covered the walls and every piece of furniture had been strategically picked by her alone. In a way, I shared much in common with that house. It was her creation, her baby...as was I. Without her something inside of us seemed to die. I was old enough to accept the fact that at some point in my life I would lose those that I loved. Yet it was too soon. She had died too soon. I sighed as I pushed the front door open and on the fourteenth day after my mothers death I was once again forced to face the light beyond my doorstep and this time, it burned me.

As I walked up that familiar stone staircase leading to the entrance of our school I could hear the soft thud of my stiletto heels upon the cool pavement of the sidewalk and with each step, reality hit me hard. I began to wonder how I could ever act as if everything was back to normal. There was no energy within me to pretend as if I was even half of the same woman that I had once been. My mother was dead and to me that was all that mattered. There was no amount of school work or money that could change that. I thought of all of those lifeless clones that I had once called my friends who huddled in the hallways of the prison that laid before me and I knew that they would bring me no solace.

It was like a sharp blade to the back when I first realized that no one cared for me and that I would be forced to look out for your own well being from that day forward. It was like a high dive from the world of childhood and landing headfirst into a violent sea of responsibility. On the walk over from the house, I had went over all of the sacrifices that my mother had made just to give me life and to keep me sheltered from harm. I had a responsibility not just to her, but to myself, to show the world that I was worth more than societies stereotypes. I refused to live like a puppet to my fathers success. I vowed that I would work hard for what I earned and I would make sure that I never owed another person any piece of myself ever again. I also knew that it was time that my father learned that I was not brought into this world to make him look good. Everyone deserves to be loved. Everyone deserves to be respected and in return to use that kindness to respect others no matter who they are.

I turned and looked with a deep and penetrating gaze upon the greasy hood who passed me by on the sidewalk. He looked away nervously at my inquiring eyes. You never know who is putting on an act of self assurance just to help them survive another day. I knew that all around me there were people suffering inside, just like I was. Who was I to judge them? One cruel word from me could crush the very last stone that held their wall in to place and I refused to be the reason that it fell down forever. As the bell rang, I looked up at the entrance to my own personal hell and I knew that I was not ready to go back there. Maybe I never would be. Right then I just needed to get away. So I turned quickly on my heels and began my walk to wherever my feet would lead me. Yet before I even reached the last step I was halted by a shrill voice like the sound of nails on a chalkboard.

"Valentine, how are you? I've missed you so much!" crowed Francine Hannigan, the captain of the JV cheer-leading squad. One of the last people I would have preferred to see on that day. She had no idea of the fragile ground she stood upon. I was about to blow at any moment and she would be the victim.

Her grotesque display of false remorse was sickening to see and I wondered if that was how that I had so often appeared to those who I had encountered over the years. Fake. I took a step back and examined the young girl standing before me. She was the epitome of vibrant youth and the prime example of the wealthy west side social scene. The mirror image of all that I had once been and all that I would never be again. I knew that Francine had held a strong animosity towards me from the moment that we had first met so many years ago. She worked so hard for everything that I had simply been given without effort. I walked leisurely through life and she was always running at full speed to barely catch up.

"Hello Francine," I replied with dry sarcasm.

"You look well," She replied. I saw a flash in her eyes and I knew that she was lying. "I am so sorry about your mother!"

There it was... the one tragic topic that would forever haunt me. I had not had a conversation in those past few weeks that had not begun with the one single word that shot nothing but pity in every direction that it was aimed.

I felt a release within me and I knew that I had no boarders, no boundaries. Limitations of conflict were no longer a concern for me. Too many people were geared to do what was acceptable and what was proper etiquette in public. It was a girdle tied tight around the truth and it was suffocating the individuality out of everyone. Nobody would untie it in fear of what would be exposed. I had no fear, not anymore. When I spoke next, my voice was calm and yet as cold as ice. My steady self-assurance frightened her. I could see it in her eyes.

"Can I ask you a question Fran?" I could see her stare at me wearily and nod her head without speaking. I took a moment to let the fear simmer just slightly, then I continued. "Are you really sorry that my mother died or just sorry that I didn't get killed instead so that I wouldn't be in your way anymore?" She was taken aback as if I had slapped her hard across the face. Her eyes were wide and she stared at me in shock. I had incapacitated her with my blunt and brutal honesty. It was like a dart that hit center bulls-eye on what we had always known but had hid deep beneath the lies, as if it were taboo to speak of it.

"Of course not! How could you ever think that I would want that to happen?" Francine was trembling with nerves as she looked behind her quickly at the large group of students who had gathered around to see our confrontation.

I sighed and shook my head, "We were never friends Francine and we never will be. Do yourself a favor, be who you are and stop pretending."

"I never..." She was cut off as I turned my back on her and left. There was nothing more to say. I pushed my way through the crowd and I could feel the perplexed gaze of my peers burn through me like a hot iron. I no longer craved their attention, I despised it.

I knew that they were coming up with their own explanations for my sudden outburst. Let them. The truth is only truth to those who believe it anyway. Most would say that I was rebelling. Others would say that I had lost my mind and the few who had suffered loss would know the truth.

I did not remember to breath until I was a block from school and heading for home. I walked slowly and took in every scent and sound that I had encountered on the way. The smell of cheeseburgers from the diner across the street, wafted its way from the open doorway and taunted me. I didn't have enough money to buy myself something to eat. My mouth was parched and I took a detour on the way, to the DX station to grab a coke. A gas station wasn't what you would usually think of when it comes to a chic hangout for the local kids in town and yet after school hours it was the busiest place on the block. Now it was practically deserted, except for an old man that sat outside on a folding chair and whistled at me as I opened the glass door and stepped inside.

As I entered the front of the station, a tiny bell above the door rang and a young man about my age came out to the counter. Even with grease on his face, he had the facade of a movie star and right away I had recognized him as Sodapop Curtis, the one boy who had the ability to catch the eye of every girl in town at some point or another. Soc and greasers alike. My boyfriend had never permitted me to tag along on the girls annual excursions to the DX station during lunch hours. Which was only fitting and I knew it. Yet I often found myself envying their freedom.

I had not seen Sodapop since he had dropped out of high school a few weeks ago. To your surprise and the surprise of many, we actually used to pal around in our childhood. We were as good of friends as a greaser and a soc could get. Very few people even knew of our companionship. It went against all social etiquette to associate with someone from the other side of town and yet we were never ones for following the rules much anyway. I guess you could say that we walked to the beat of our own drum.

By the look on his face I knew that he was just as surprised about my presence, as I was about his.

He leaned casually against the counter and attempted to wipe the grease from his face with the back of his hand, but only succeeded in smearing it farther. He smirked at me with that contagious grin of his."Well well, look what the cat dragged in."

"Hey ya Sodapop! How ya been kid?" I retorted as I walked to the cooler against the wall and pulled out a coke. With a skilled twist of my palm, I popped the bottle top off.

"Just living" He replied with a shrug of his shoulders and then paused for a brief moment. "I'm not a genius or nothin', but don't you have school?"

"I'm taking a break."

"Tired of sitting on your throne and getting worshiped by all your loyal subjects?" He laughed and I knew that he was simply pocking fun of me which was our custom and yet he didn't understand to what degree that statement wounded my pride. I reminded myself that my bad mood was not his fault. Yet my temper flared in self defense.

"I've changed alright!"

Instead of getting concerned by my sudden outburst and cool misdemeanor which was highly out of character for me, Sodapop remained composed. "Why?" He asked simply.

"Look don't pretend like you know me!" I spat out and turned away quickly the moment I felt the warm tears escape my eyes.

Yet not quick enough. I bit my lip bitterly and cursed the tears for giving me away.

He pushed off of the counter and walked over to my side. Humiliation consumed me. _How could I be so weak?_ Pity was never one of my pursuits. I turned around so that my back was to him. He looked highly uncomfortable and didn't touch me, but he spoke in concern. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"What kind of question is that?" I asked, a little more quietly than before.

"A simple one," Soda replied with bewilderment clearly present in his voice.

The news of my mothers death had spread like wildfire around the city. Pictures of the crash had graced the front page of every newspaper published in the state. This had made me arrogantly assume that everyone knew of my tragedy. Then I sighed and shook my head. How ignorant I had been to think that nobody had anything better to do in their life than concern themselves with the single affairs of my own.

Then here, standing before me was a young boy who had lost both of his parents in one tragic accident. Fate had forced him to not only take care of himself, but work full time just to survive and to help raise a fourteen year old brother in the process. Each moment Soda was threatened with the fear that the state would split up what was left of his family. His very life was hanging by a thread and I was shallow enough to think that he should care about my problems.

I shuddered. _What had I become?_

With a sigh, I turned slowly and looked up into his eyes. He was a good five inches taller than my five foot four inch frame. My head was level with his shoulder. "You really don't know, do you?"

"No doll, I don't." He pulled out a stool from behind the counter and placed it in front of me. "Now sit down." I did what he demanded.

For two weeks I had let every feeling fester within me, eating me alive. I was drowning with no escape. I talked to no one. I trusted no one enough to allow them to cross the boarder that separated me from my shield. Their advice would mean nothing. Their comfort would be worthless. They didn't know what it felt like to suffer. However, as I stood there staring in to Soda's eyes, I knew that he did.

Before I knew what was happening, I found myself pouring my heart out to this boy who I hadn't talked to in years. For an hour he sat there quietly and listened. When I finally finished Soda didn't speak a word, he just stared at me intently. Suddenly the feeling of embarrassment returned to me and I quickly stood up to leave. I couldn't bare it anymore. "I...I am so sorry. I have to go."

I practically ran out of the gas station and then jerked to a stop when I realized that I had forgetting to pay for my coke. I must have looked like a complete fool just standing there by the gas pump, staring around me frantically. It took me a few moments to move and I reluctantly turned around and walked back inside.

He was still in the same position as I had left him and just grinned at me amused, as I entered.

"I forgot to pay," I murmured, refusing to meet is eyes. My hands were shaking and it was making it almost impossible for me to clasp the tiny coin. I cringed as my whole change purse fell and all of my money dropped with soft clinks upon the tile floor.

I began to bend over to pick them up when Soda quickly grabbed my hands to stop me and straightened me upright again. I looked into his eyes once more and began to realize that he was not looking at me with pity, but with understanding.

Then suddenly Soda did the last thing that I expected. He hugged me tightly against his chest. He smelled like musk and gasoline. It was a small gesture and yet the largest gift of compassion that I had ever received.


	3. Lead The Way

**Lead The Way**

That day when I had mistakenly ran in to Sodapop Curtis, was the day that this story really begins. I stood there in the doorway of the DX station and just sobbed uncontrollably in to his waiting arms. We had not spoken to each other in years and yet something still remained of that friendship that we had once had when we were nothing more than children. In one way we were strangers, in another we were long time friends. Which one would prevail in the long run, we soon would find out.

I pulled away from him quickly when I had finally stopped crying and rocked back on my heels as a slightly award silence filled the air. He just laughed at me as I turned away from him to wipe any lingering tears from my face and then I walked over to sit back down on the stool.

"Ya, real tough huh?" I smirked.

He took his place on the opposite side of the counter and grinned down at me with a smile so bright his eyes shined. I put my head down on to my folded arms and peeked up at him when he began to speak. My head was throbbing from crying so intensely.

"What happened to you Valentine?"

I couldn't help but laugh as I remembered back to when we had be friends. It was the time when he would remember me best. He had truly been my closest companion. It was a time when boys and dresses were the only thing on my mind. So much had changed since then. I stopped laughing, "I was thirteen when you last spoke to me Sodapop. Things are different now...I'm different."

"You're no different, ya just feel different is all. Trust me I've been there. You can't let your mother's death ruin you," Soda put his hand on my shoulder. I sat up fast.

"Don't preach to me Sodapop Curtis. I get enough of that from my father!"

"Whoa, cool it! I'm not preachin' I'm trying to help," he replied looking sympathetically at me. I felt like some damn charity case.

"Then how can you sit here and tell me that I'm not different? You even you said so yourself. This was a foolish idea. I should have never come here. You don't know me and I don't expect that you ever will." I was acting irrationally and I knew it. Yet I wasn't about to give up and agree with him. At that moment in time, anger seemed far easier than pain.

"I never said that you weren't different now than you were three years ago, but you can't change who you are. You're still in there, I can see it."

"Stop it Soda! Why don't you just say it like every body else! I have two choices. One is to forget about my mother and go on with my life, or to give up completely. Go on just say it!" I was yelling now and what irritated me the most was that Soda just continued to sit there with a wide grin on his face and his hands folded in front of him.

I could hear the bell above the door ring behind us and I turned to watch three greasers walk in from outside. One was wearing the same uniform at Soda. A blue collared shirt with thin white pinstripes and on the name tag above his right breast pocket, it read Steve. He looked about our age or maybe a year older. The other two boys were much younger and far more innocent looking. They called out to Soda and I knew by their demonstration of comradery that they must be good buddies of his.

I turned quickly to Sodapop before this confrontation could continue any farther. It was different when we were alone, but I was not about to act like a full in front of an audience. "I'm leaving now," I said walking over to grab what was left of my coke off of the counter. "Thank you for listening. I am happy that you found it entertaining. Now good-bye and I do not expect to ever be seeing you again." I turned my back towards him and grabbed the handle to the door.

"Yes, you will." I heard Soda's voice ring out through the air. Deep down inside of me I had wanted to ignore him and to keep walking.

It didn't happen.

I growled as I turned around slowly. "What are you talking about?"

"You will be seeing me again." He repeated factually.

"Oh and what makes you so sure about that?"

"Because your going to come on an adventure with us tonight," Soda said in a matter of fact tone as if there was nothing odd about that statement at all. His friends looked over at him with concerned looks on their faces, as if he had lost his mind. I knew that it must have been as strange of a proclamation to I them, as it was to me.

"No, I don't think so," I said as I shook my head to decline.

He could not just go ordering me around like that. _Who did he think he was?_ Yet, the playful look on his face couldn't help but soften my nerves and I sighed. My voice was more relaxed as I confronted him again. "Plus you know that we can't. It just...it couldn't happen. If someone were to see us. You have to understand, my father would...well he just wouldn't like it very much."

"Oh, so maybe you have changed. I thought nothing mattered to you anymore."

"Don't you dare use my words against me Soda! You know very well that I can't just ignore my father." I exclaimed while trying to block out the presence of the boys who were lounging around now, just watching us like we were the dramatic scene in some picture show. I did my best to defend myself and failed miserably. "It's not what matters to me! It's what matter's to everyone else." I realized my mistake the moment those words escaped my mouth and I shook my head. I began to stutter the next time I spoke. "I mean not that I care what everyone else thinks." I tried to cover up my mistake and yet I knew very well that it was a lost cause. I felt so small and confused. I didn't know anything anymore, including myself.

I was growing very angry at the boy standing in front of me. He could humiliate me all he wanted in his own presence but there was no need to make me look like a fool in front of his friends. I had been through enough already that day and all i wanted to do was to find some safe harbor where I could hide.

"Then come out with us tonight. It'll be good for you." Soda was now smiling confidently. He knew that he had won this time.

I was startled when Steve stepped forward and cut him off. "Hey pal, I don't know if that's such a wise idea and all." I couldn't explain why exactly this statement made me angry. It was probably due to the fact that I could hear the obvious prejudice within it. I was a soc. I was everything that they had been raised on the street to despise. I was nothing to him.

I wondered what had gotten in to me and where all of this strength was coming from, when I turned to the brown haired boy and snapped. "Why? What's it to you?"

He looked unerved for a brief moment before stepped forward with his eyes flashing. Soda put his hand against his friends shoulder. Steve spat out, "You're nothing to me. I just prefer to spend my time with better company."

"Like who? Yourself?" I spat back at him. "I betcha that sure does the rest of the world a favor." I heard what I had assumed was the youngest of the boys, snort back a laugh and Steve turned to glare menacingly at him out of the corner of his eye.

"Knock it off Pony, I sure ain't got time for your games," Then he turned back on me. "You think you're so perfect don't you?"

"Relax buddy," Soda said stepping forward slightly, trying to ease the tension. It didn't work.

I stepped around Soda's form and looked up at the greaser who dared to judge me. "Ya that's what you would assume, wouldn't you?" I said smirking.

This time Soda stepped completely between us and turned to me. He put his hands on both of my shoulders and bent forward to look me in the eyes. "Don't sweat it doll. Just come out tonight." I heard Steve huff loudly.

"Ya you all have a swell time...I have better things to do," he growled out as he threw his handkerchief down on the counter and stalked in to the back of the garage.

Sodapop sighed and shook his head as he ran a hand through his golden hair. "I don't know what got into him."

"It's alright, it's not much more than can be expected." I replied with a shrug of my shoulders. Then I looked over at the other two boys who seemed completely at ease in my presence or maybe it was the fact that they were in Soda's presence and if he trusted me, then they trusted me. I wasn't quite sure. They didn't look the type anyway.

Soda turned back in my direction, "So are you up for some fun tonight or what?"

I refused to answer right away. I just stood there glaring at him and contemplating my options. "Fine!" I yelled, throwing my hands up in defeat. I did not have the strength to argue.

"Fine." He replied with a node of his head, as if that had settled it completely.

I growled at him. "You are so stubborn, do you know that?" I yelled as I began to laugh. I didn't know what was so funny but I laughed anyway. It felt amazing to hear the soft sound of my happiness again. Not matter how small it was.

However, it was soon followed by the slight tinge of fear as I thought about the interaction that we had just had and what the boys must think when they saw Soda and I together. It was a hard habit to break, to stop caring about the opinions of others. I had spent so many years worrying about my reputation. It was a bad habit that began to creep its way in and settled as a small uneasy feeling in the center of my chest.

"Of course I am. Now meet me here when my shift is over."

"Sure thing," i said with a nod. "And when exactly is that?"

"Five," He replied as he walked over towards the youngest kid and ruffled his hair. I smiled as I began to notice the similarities between the two.

I looked over at my old friend. "Soda... I'm not so sure about this."

"You just have to trust me." He said with a wink.

"That's what I'm not so sure about," i said with a smirk. "Good-bye Sodapop."

"Bye Valentine. I'll see you later."

With that last departing statement. I walked out of the glass doors and made my way back to the West Side, not realizing what awaited me when I got there.


	4. When It All Falls Down

When It All Falls Down

I reached my house within only a few minutes from the time that I had left the DX station and I had spent the entire walk contemplating what had just occurred. I knew that it had been a reckless and foolish decision to make and yet that was exactly what I had needed. A challenge. To scratch the surface of the unknown. To break away and to change my mind. I needed to push aside every biased opinion that I had ever been taught. I was beyond sick of all the lies. It was time for the truth.

I stood there on the front porch staring out across the landscape. My vision was pervaded by the the site of wealth in all of its glory. Perfectly manicured laws that were just beginning to show their face after winters frost resided and spring was near, pierced by strategically places stone pathways that led up to large white suburban mansions. White washed wooden fences bordered property lines and stone statues stood guarding their domain. Each house was different and yet each was the same. They all had this persona of privilege and prosperity, displayed arrogantly for those around them to see.

I sighed and then turned around to enter the residence where I had lived my entire life. The door was unlocked and I walked inside. I slowly made my way down the hallway and up the stairs to the second floor where my bedroom awaited me, running my fingers along the cool red wood of the banister. I could feel the grain against my palm and the smooth gloss beneath my fingertips. As I had passed the living room which laid beneath me, my fathers snoring could be heard coming from within. I leaned over as far as possible and peered around the sliding glass doors to what awaited inside. I could see my fathers passed our form, sprawled out on the green velor sofa with a clear bottle in his hand. It hung off the side of the couch and tiny drips of liquor fell onto the carpet which was stained with vomit. There were cigarette packages laying beside his head on the table and the whole house reeked of booze.

_He was a mess..._

I shook my head sadly and continued walking up the stairs to my room. I refused to look around at my belongings as I entered. I felt like a stranger in my own home. It was just small remnants of who I used to be. I walked over to my closet and picked out a dark blue skirt that came down to my mid calf and a cannery yellow, long sleeved sweater to wear wherever we were going. I didn't want to stick out too much if we would be on the East side of town and yet I knew that there was nothing that I could do about it. I sure didn't look like no greaser girl.

A knot grew in the center of my stomach. It was a bad scene to be a soc in greaser territory. Especially a soc who flaunts their money. I decided to put on some makeup a little heavier than usual. Actually, I never wore makeup to begin with. I just never felt the need to. I put it on simply because I felt like I had to do something to adapt to the culture that I would be surrounded by. No matter how impossible that would be, it gave me some comfort to try. When I felt like I had all that I needed, I walked passed my dresser mirror I cringed at my own reflection.

My hair was falling in wild chocolate colored curls, out of the ponytail that I had put it in to this morning and my blue eyes were rimmed with red. My cheeks were flushed from hours of crying.

I knew right then that Soda had been able to tell that I was a mess just by looking at me. I starred at the clock, it read 4:15pm, just enough time to get in the shower. The bathroom was connected to my bedroom through a small white door. I undressed again and stepped into the tub, allowing the warm water to flow over me like rain. I closed my eyes and felt the tiny drops slither down my body. I took deep breaths and rubbed the muscles on my neck.

It took me until 4:30 to get out and to quickly dry my hair. I decided to leave it down, I didn't want to have to fuss with it today. Putting on my clothes once more, I took another look in the mirror and was satisfied with what I saw. I went downstairs.

However, when I reached the front door I found that I could go no farther. The exit was was being blocked by my fathers towering figure. I looked up at his face. He was six-two and surprisingly muscular for his age. His hair was graying around his temples and deep wrinkles carved their way in to his otherwise handsome features. Yet he wasn't naturally handsome like Soda. It was the good looks you get from only being able to afford the best of everything.

He still had his gray work suit on, with his tie hanging twisted to the side and I wondered if he had even went to work at all that day. Staggering forward he grabbed my forearm tightly.

"Why did you skip school today?" He questioned and I cringed. I didn't know why that I didn't think that my father wouldn't have heard about my incident at school. News travels fast around this side of town. My father had never liked to be disobeyed. I knew that he would have belted me a few times in the past if my mother hadn't stepped in. He would have belted her too if he wasn't so concerned about his reputation in the neighborhood. When a man walks around with a roughed up wife, it says something. I stood there in the hallway that day and I should have been terrified. Yet I felt no fear.

I felt nothing at all.

"I told you I..." He stopped me short by a hard slap across my face. I fell backwards hard into the grandfather clock that teetered for a few moments before it fell to the ground. The sound of it shattering upon the marble tile made me cringe.

"You don't tell me anything! I am your father. I make the rules do you understand me?" I stood there in shock, my cheek was stinging and I felt slightly dizzy where my head had hit the wall behind me. I put my hand to my cheek and looked straight into his eyes. They were filled with rage and I knew that I was in a very dangerous position.

I yanked my arm free from his grasp and backed up in to a small stand, knocking over a vase that shattered to pieces beside the clock. Clear glass, soiled water and dead roses covered the floor. I had forgotten to change them last week like he had asked. "Stay away from me!" I commanded weakly. He ignored me as if I didn't speak at all.

Looking at my clothes he asked "Where are you going?" He spat on me as he spoke and his words were slurred.

"Out.. with some friends," I said cautiously.

"You are not going anywhere tonight. I want you to make me dinner." He grabbed my arm once more and this time I could feel his fingernails digging in to my skin to make sure that I did not get away. He pulled me forcefully down the hall as I stumbled behind him and he threw me in to the kitchen with a force that knocked me off balance. I slid across the floor because of my wet shoes, before hitting the corner of the counter with my right side. A sharp pain shot up my ribs and took rest in the center of my armpit.

I looked around me frantically for some form of protection and suddenly I saw the wooden door that led outside into the backyard. Knowing that it was my only chance to get away, I stood up and reached for the crystal handle.

"Just let me go." I yelled behind me.

"Damn you! Why wont you ever listen?" He screamed as he threw the glass bottle at me. It hit against my shoulder. I screamed more out of shock than pain and I quickly opened the door. I leaped outside and stumbled to catch my footing in the grass, as he made a lung for me.

He may have been stronger. But I was faster.

I ran from my house at a speed that I did not even know that I had been physically capable of. Once I reached the street, I knew that I was safe. He wouldn't come after me, at least not right then. There was the possibility of too many witnesses and even drunk, he knew that. Yet I refused to stop running until I made it back to the DX station.

I swung the glass door open and collapsed, out of breath and wounded on to the hard tiled floor of the store. I sat there breathing so deep that my chest was burning and I tried to control my heart rate. Sweat dripped down my forehead and I leaned my back against the wall. The brick felt cool against my flushed skin.

I heard a boys voice yell, "Sodapop you better get in here!"

"What's wrong little buddy?" He asked as the voice grew closer and I knew that he must have been in the back garage.

Then suddenly I didn't hear anything. No footsteps, no sound. Yet before I could open my eyes, someone rushed to my side. When my vision cleared I saw his face.

"What happened to you?" He almost yelled, and I wished he would have kept his voice down. My head was throbbing.

That was when I realized that I was crying too bad to speak. Once I got my composure back I took a deep breath and answered.

"Nothing, I'm fine. I just fell." I replied even though I knew that nobody could believe such a feeble excuse. I looked over and I saw Steve leaning against the door frame just eyeing me. If I wasn't mistaken, I could swear he had a smug look of satisfaction on his face.

_Was this what he wanted? For me to get what he believed I deserved._

"Your lying!" Soda stated clearly worried at my condition.

"Please Soda," I pleaded. With the look of desperation on my face, he sighed but dropped the subject.

"Your bleeding," he then stated in a softer tone than I had been used to and that was when I first realized that my shirt was damp with blood.

"That must have been from the bottle," I whispered to myself and forgot the others were listening. I quickly looked at the ground. Soda didn't say anything he just continued looking at my arm.

"Do you mind if I rip the sleeve of your shirt?" I shook my head no, it was ruined anyway.

He tried to lift me up off of the ground and I waved him away. I could walk. I followed him in to a back office that must have belonged to his boss and I sat down on a couch to the right of the door. The two younger boys joined us and I could hear Steve working on the engine of a car somewhere in the distant shop.

"Hi." The youngest of the two said when I looked up at him.

"That's my younger brother, Ponyboy." Soda told me as he grabbed a rag and some clean water from the bathroom in the back. He ripped the torn material that was left of my sleeve and threw it in to the red garbage can beside the desk. I dared to look down at my arm and realized that it was worse than I thought. There were many deep cuts by my shoulder and a bruise about the size of a baseball forming on my forearm. You could still see the red and swollen outline of my fathers hand print on my wrist. I was grateful that Soda did not say anything, he just continued cleaning the cuts and began wrapping my arm in a bandage. I could tell by his skilled hands, that he had dealt with these types of situations more than once in his life. This thought saddened me.

"And this is Johnny," Ponyboy said, nodding to the tan skinned boy beside him. I looked at the young kid and smiled softly. He smiled back.

"Hello." I replied softly. "Haven't I seen you boys around somewhere?"

"Yeah we go to the same school as you," Ponyboy stated.

"Oh really? I would have thought that you were younger."

"He's 14. Pony's real smart, he skipped a grade," Johnny said as Soda finished wrapping my arm and patted me on the head like a little child. I swatted his hand away.

"There you go. You'll be alright. Just don't do much with your arm for the next few days."

I turned my attention back to Soda. He stood up and took off his blue jean jacket and put it on the couch beside me. For a moment I wondered why he was working in his jacket and then I remembered that he got off of work five minutes ago.

"Here you can wear this since your shirt is ruined."

"Thanks," I pulled it on over my arms, it was obviously two times my size. Then looked in the mirror on the back of the door with a snort. I sure looked tough. My hair fell in frizzy curls around my face and a soft purple bruise was already forming along my left cheekbone.

_I fell...ya that was a good excuse._

Soda, Ponyboy and Johnny were waiting for me on the other side of the door. Steve must of split because I couldn't see him anywhere. Soda flung his arm around my shoulders gingerly and when I winced he pulled his arm off quickly with an apologetic frown.

"Since you're hurt and all, I don't think that it'd be the best day to do something," Soda said. "How about we walk you home?"

"No!" I yelled startling myself and the boys who looked taken aback, not expecting my sudden outburst.

"I know it's soc territory, but I think we'll be alright," Soda replied, taking my reaction in the wrong context. I was not worried about their well being, I was worried about my own.

"I don't want to go home." I lost eye contact and began staring at a little spot on the floor. I guess he took the hint.

"Oh..." He paused for a long while, just contemplating. His beautiful face contorted in thought. "Well you could come back to our place if you don't got nowhere else to go," Soda said and Pony gave him a cautious side glance.

"Yeah, we would just have to ask Darry. But I am sure he wouldn't say no." Pony said.

"No, that's alright. I don't want to be a bother to anyone. I'll find somewhere to go."

"Don't sweat it sweetheart, the gang stays at our house all the time. I'm sure you wouldn't be bothering no one. You can't just stay out on the street. Bad things happen to pretty gals like you," Soda added with a wink and then laughed at my expression.

"Who is the gang?" I asked cautiously, ignoring his last comment. Before I could get an answer, Ponyboy spoke.

"Hey Soda we're late and Darry is expecting us." Pony said urgently as he ushering us out of the door. The youngest Curtis was obviously in no hurry to get hollered at by his big brother. Soda nodded and locked up as we headed down the road into the East side of town.


	5. Humility Hits Like A Brick

**Humility Hits Like A Brick**

It is amazing how you could spend your entire life believing that you understand the concept of living and then you wake up one day and realize that you do not know anything at all. You can sit in the stale walls of classroom and learn facts about history, science and math. Yet until you actually experience the passing of time..you can't truly appreciate the knowledge that has been so generously given to you. They fill you with information that delays its disbursement until a later date when your more susceptible to reception due to relative relationships that can be drawn between the correlation of facts and your every day life. You must live it to truly understand it.

I had spent most of my childhood being lectured by my mother about the virtue of generosity and compassion when it comes to the less fortunate in society. Well at least the term "less fortunate" was what people always felt was the polite term to use. Although, I can't seem to grasp how that would be a more appealing description than poverty. If you look closely at the world, you would learn soon enough that you can indeed be poor and yet still be fortunate in many ways.

Every time my mother and I had went out to eat at the diner on Sundays after church, my mother would make me choose one item from my meal that I would give to the homeless man on the corner by the intersection of town. He held a weather warn piece of cardboard that read, "Will work for food."

We would walk by him every day on the way home and I would hand him my drink and my mother would say a prayer over him. I remember the guilty feeling in my stomach when I had first realized that I was always too afraid to look him in the eye.

Still to this day I wonder what I would have seen. I wonder what his story was.

A few months later that same man was in the newspaper for brutally murdering a five year old little boy. I cried myself to sleep for days feeling guilty and blaming myself for the death of that innocent child. I told my mother that I never wanted to help another person ever again. I lectured her on what I believed was our sentence of condemnation. If we would have never fed that man, he could have starved to death before he hurt that boy. My mother tried to explain to me why this was not the proper way to think. Yet I knew that for a short moment in time, she had been just as disturbed as I had been.

It wasn't until Ponyboy had just finished explaining to me exactly who the "gang" was and different details about their closest companions, that we reached a silver chain link fence and stopped. My vision came in contact with a modest house. You could tell at one time that it had been well cared for and yet now the white paint was chipping and falling to the ground, showing dull gray weather worn wood beneath. The shutters hung loosely from the windows. The gutter was filled with old leaves and there were rusted scraps of old bikes half buried in the front lawn. The ground was littered with old coke bottles and cigarettes.

_I wonder who smokes._..

Soda asked me politely to wait out on the front porch while the boys went inside to speak to their older brother who I had yet to meet. Even without a proper introduction I knew his face. I was a freshmen when Darrel Curtis was a senior in high school. He was one of the few greasers who fully fit in with my side of society. You could not know him without respecting him. From the rumors around town, Darry was highly intelligent and handsome. He worked hard and played hard. There was nothing that he did that he did not put in all that he had. You looked in to his face and you just knew that he was going somewhere.

Now he was working full time like an old man to support his brothers. He postponed his future and his life to give a life to the ones that he loved.

_Was this the way the world worked? You give up everything you have just to watch someone else reap the reward for your dedication._

Not that Ponybody did not deserve the best future that was possible. He did. I just wish that Darry wasn't the only one who could give it to him.

I was feeling extremely awkward and out of place just standing there fidgeting in front of the widow, trying not to stare inside and so I took a seat on the top step of the stairs. I was leaning my back against the railing and thinking about how bad my head was smarting, when I heard the front gate creak open.

I sat up straight and opened my eyes. Before me stood a tall hood with hair so blonde that it could blind you. He had cold, hard, gray eyes that felt as if they could drill a hole straight through the center of me, if I gave them the chance. I looked away quickly. They were eyes that had seen too much. Thinking of Ponyboy's words I figured out on my own, that this must be Dallas Winston.

"Who are you?" His voice was sharp and mistrusting. His feline features bore in to me like a hammer to a nail.

"Why do you need to know?" I retorted and regretting it immediately. The young hood gave me a threatening glare, his eyes flashing dangerously as he slowly took in my disheveled yet pricey appearance. Before he could say another word Soda came out from inside the residence.

"Oh..." He stopped short when he saw his buddy at the gate. "Hey Dal, haven't seen you around in awhile." Dally tore his attention away from me and looked up at Sodapop. As I stared between the two young men, I marveled at the drastic difference in character.

It takes awhile for a mind to grasp the impossible. It seemed almost strangely bizarre that a man as warm and compassionate as Sodapop could be close companions with someone as lost as Dally. Or maybe that was the reason. Too much of one thing is never a good thing. That was the way it was with the whole gang. They created balance within themselves.

"Sylvia had me roaming all over town trying to find some punk who slashed her brothers tires the other night. I swear that broad'll be the death of me."

"Tough break." Soda replied with a grin. "So I see you've already met Valentine." He motioned towards me and once again that wintry glare was cast back in my direction.

It had softened at the presence of Soda and yet still sent shivers down my spine. He frightened me. "Barely," Dally replied and then walked around us and in to the house.

Soda just shrugged it off as if this was normal behavior. Dally wasn't like the rest of the boys. He was harder, more intense. You looked in to his face and you knew that he loved nothing. Intimidation seeped from his ever pore and he used it to his advantage. The look I saw in his eyes reminded me of the same look my father gave me before he attacked me. I knew that Dally wouldn't hurt me and yet he was dangerous.

"Darry said he don't mind none if you stay here tonight," Soda cracked a grin and gently pulled me up off the step. "We only have the sofa though, I hope you don't mind?"

"Of course I don't mind." I replied as we walked through the screen door and in to the house.

The interior was not quite what I had expected. Actually I do not know what I had expected exactly. It was a lot cleaner than I had originally pictured. At least for a house occupied by three young men. I saw from experience how men could get when they are left alone to fend for themselves without any feminine supervision. However, I think what shocked me the most was the clear contrast of living from what I had been used to. Poverty went from a thought in my mind to something visible and tangible. In a way I found myself feeling pity for them and in another I felt envy. There was a sense of freedom that lingered in the air. There was no formality and no fake cordiality that was necessary. You show up as who you are, flaws and all...and nothing more.

It was a humbling experience and helped me come to terms with my own vulnerabilities. Those boys had so little and lost so much and yet they still made the most of their life. I had only lost my mother and already I was slowly breaking.

As I entered the living room, I looked around. There was a sofa to my left beneath the front window and an unused fire place in the center wall. To my right in the corner of the room by the hall was a small chair and table with a blue lamp on it. The carpet was dark gray and dingy, but well taken care of.

The moment I stepped in to the room, I was greeted with a firm hand shake by Darry. He spoke as one with authority and told me that any time I needed somewhere to stay, their door was always open. I had an immense amount of respect for that boy. He recognized me straight away from school, of that I was certain and yet he held no animosity towards me. I thanked him sincerely and sat down on the couch.

When I took a seat I could feel Darry's eyes linger for a brief moment on my injured arm and the dark purple bruise that was forming a long my left cheek. I could tell right away that Soda had told him what had happened earlier that day. I just wondered how much. I believe that if it had been anyone besides Darry whom Soda confided in, I would have been highly uncomfortable. However, there was the strong sense of safety and security that radiated off of the older brother. It put me at ease and made me alright with the fact that Darry knew or at least suspected, what had happened.

Relief was clearly present in my posture after introductions were made. I had almost expected Darry to turn me away, to cast me out on to the street like my own father or the parents of my friends, would have done to him without a second glance. He was of a lower class and yet of better quality than we would ever be. I still could not help but feel intimidated by his presence. Darry was someone with whom any decent size man would not wish to go up against in a fight. The other members of the gang were lean and muscular, yet next to Darry, they looked malnourished and scrawny.

I could hear Dally slamming something in the kitchen and then he slouched through the living room and out the front door without a single word to any one. Sodapop sat next to me on the couch and leaned his head in his hands with a sigh. You could see the exhaustion in his eyes from work. Ponyboy had homework to do so he departed to his bedroom and Johnny remained sprawled out on the floor, watching television. Darry had gotten up from the chair and soon you could hear him in the kitchen washing dishes.

This was real. You could tell just by sitting there that this was the familiar routine for them all. There was no act being played. Who they were was fully on display for the entire world to see. I smiled. This was exactly what I had needed. I knew that God had lead me here for a reason.

I can not imagine how hard it must have been for Darry to raise two young boys on his own, when he was hardly an adult himself. Yet he was doing a marvelous job.

The night was long and yet wasn't quite long enough. Soda and I spent most of the time sitting at the wooden dining room table playing cards. He won every time and even though I knew that he was cheating I went along with it anyway. It did not matter to me, as long as he was enjoying himself. Soon Darry went to bed and we all joined in for a game of war. Ponyboy made popcorn on the stove, which turned into a bad scene after going up in flames from Soda's distracting tendencies. I can't remember who started the food fight by throwing a handful at Pony. But by the time the game ended, Johnny had left earlier in the night and the rest of us laid passed out sleeping on the living room floor with popcorn in our hair.

The next thing I knew the sun was shinning brightly in my eyes and I could hear a few masculine voices surrounding me

"So who roughed up the broad?" I heard someone ask.

"Well golly gee Two-Bit, you sure have a swell way of wording things," Sodas voice said sarcastically.

I groaned and opened my eyes to look around. Ponyboy was still asleep beside me. With the way he was laying on his arm, I knew that it would be numb when he awoke.  
Soda was sitting up rubbing his eyes and behind him stood Steve. He didn't look at me at all.

"Oh look! Sleeping beauty's awake." The boy on the right announced at my movement. He had a goofy grin on his face as he starred down at me.

"I'm sure I'm far from sleeping beauty at the moment," I said with a groan and shook yet some more popcorn out of my hair.

"I don't know about that doll, your plenty close in my book." He smoothly slid next to me on the floor.

"Oh, leave her alone Twobit," Soda said as he pulled him away from me by the arm. I couldn't help but laugh.

_This is going to be an interesting day._


	6. Ashes To Dust

**Ashes To Dust**

If someone would have told me during the months prior to my mothers death that all of this would have happened to me, I would have laughed in their face and told them that they were losing their mind. Back then I could not have been paid enough money to even speak to boys like Dallas Winston. Yet somehow I found myself sitting next to him at a kitchen table in a strangers house, eating eggs and chocolate cake for breakfast. I looked around me in disbelief. Life changes and you sure can't stop it.

However, no pretending could cover the truth. I was still a soc. I was reminded of this every moment that I came in contact with Steve Randal or Dally who callously refused to accept my presence. I could even feel it at times in the uncomfortable way that Darry spoke to me. Proper and strained. It was only brief moments, or a quick flash in his eyes and yet it was there none the less. Without knowing me or giving me half of a chance, Steve had despised me and it was for nothing more than a title that I had no desire to claim. I was branded. That was my life, that was everything that I had ever been raised to believe. Yet as I looked around the kitchen at the boys that surrounded me, my out look on life began to change.

I had previously looked down on lower society. I was too ignorant to understand that not all of the misfortune of the poor were in direct result of their personal faults. Yes, true hoods like Dally got what they deserved. They spent their life seeking thrill and breaking laws. I could sit there and pretend for a few hours that I knew how they felt. Yet my tragic life for the last month, had been their life since before they could remember. The only difference between the pair of us was that they had been born in to it and I had just entered by accident.

I scrutinized the boys as they sat there eating their breakfast. Each of their personalities were vastly different and yet each were exactly the same. They had all been wounded & scarred in some form by my pride or by the pride of everyone that I had previously associated with. The wealthy lived with a selfish lack of concern for anything other than their own satisfaction and only succeeded at nothing more than rubbing salt in the wound of society. We were built like machines. We felt nothing at all and yet the greasers were forced to feel too intensely, every emotion that the human body could possibly consume. They had been labeled as no good for no good reason at all. They weren't even permitted to walk down the street without being abused, harassed or constantly reminded of their lack of propriety and status. I sighed and shook my head. There was such a wide gap between us. I wondered if we could ever truly understand each other completely. I wondered if we could ever really be friends or if the rift was too deep to cross over the channel that separated our lives.

"Darry, is it alright if Johnny and I go to the Nightly Double tonight?" Ponyboy asked his guardian.

"Sure, it's not a school night. But you better come right home after ya hear? See if Sodapop wants to go too. I'd feel more comfortable if you two weren't out walking by your lonesome."

"Do you want to come?" At first I didn't realize that Ponyboy had addressed me directly, until the silence made me focus. I turned and looked at the young boy who was leaning against the counter.

"Oh, sorry Pony!" I thought about his offer for a quick moment. "Ya know, I think I might just take you up on that," I answered with a soft smile. I loved picture shows and it would give me a chance to think.

Sodapop had been in the bathroom getting a shower before work and must have absentmindedly forgotten that I was a guest in the house. I watched with wide eyes as he made his entrance in to the kitchen in nothing but a tight white t-shirt that accented every muscle in his chest and a pair of white underwear. My face burned scarlet red from embarrassment and I turned away quickly, trying not to make eye contact with anyone in the room. "Gee thanks for the free show Soda, but could you put some pants on please?"

"Oh...I...umm I forgot," Soda stammered for a few moments and then quickly stumbled back in to the the living room.

"You gotta excuse him...he's not used to having pretty lady's present," Two-bit coined in.

Steve cocked and eyebrow and spoke for the first time that day. "Two-bit, we're talking about Soda here."

"Oh ya, excuse me...I mean he's not used to having clothes_ on_ when pretty lady's are present." If my face wasn't already red enough, I knew that it for sure was by now. My skin felt on fire, like it would melt off my face at any moment.

"Cool it fellas, " Soda said as he re-entered the room, fully clothed and functional. He backhanded Two-bit hard on the side of the head and laughed as he lost his balance and tumble sideways off of the chair.

I tried to keep calm and change the subject. "Would you like to go to the movies with Ponyboy and Johnny tonight?" I turned and looked at the middle brother.

Soda smirked. "Sounds like a good time." He turned to Steve. "You coming buddy?" I saw Ponyboy make a slight grimace at the mention of Steve. His reaction matched my own.

"Count me out," Steve replied bitterly. I bit my tongue. I could understand his hatred for the socials. Yet by now his behavior came across as nothing but childish and immature.

I sure didn't fancy his company and yet I could be civil and polite in his presence. Or I learned quickly to just keep quiet when I couldn't. He could do neither.

Two-bit stood up off the floor and dusted himself off. "I gotta' help ma' around the house tonight and...Don't look at me like that!" Twobit eye'd the gang as they feigned surprise. "She called me a no good hood and threatened to put me on the street if I didn't fix the bathroom door in a jiffy. I think she's serious this time"

"She should be," Darry mouthed with a smirk.

"Hey Dal, you coming?" Johnny asked the JD who was sitting to my left, picking dirt out of his fingernails with a switchblade.

Dally didn't say anything until he was finished with his task. Then he just shook his head, got up and walked to the back door. "I'll be busy kid. See ya around." And then he was gone.

"Is he always like that?" I asked as I continued to stare at the door where he had left.

"I believe so," TwoBit answered.

"Why?" They all looked kind of puzzled. I don't think any of them really thought about it or maybe the answer was clearly present and I was just missing something.

"That's just Dally," Twobit said with a shrug.

"Oh," was all I could reply. We sat there in awkward silence for about five minutes before Ponybody and Soda finished the dishes.

"Hey Soda, are you ready?" Darry asked. "We're gonna be late."

"Yeah I'll be right there." Sodapop ran in to the bedroom and came out with his arm in only one sleeve of his blue work shirt. His golden hair was still wet and fell in tuffs around his face. He was brushing his teeth as he walked out of the front door. I smiled to myself...golly, he sure was a looker.

I shook my head furiously at the thought and then transferred them back home to my boyfriend. The last time that I had seen Bradley was three days ago, when he had stopped by my house to see how I was doing. Brad wasn't sensitive like Soda. He didn't quite know how to handle such serious situations. That doesn't mean that he didn't care, he just could not find the way to show it. When my mother died, he had brought me chocolate and sat with me on the front porch swing. It was clear to everyone who saw me that I had fallen in to a deep depression and it frightened him. If my fragile exterior wasn't a clear sign in itself, he could tell by the dark circles under my eyes and the tears that never seemed to seize. I loved Brad and yet I was broken. I knew that whatever I needed in order to mend, I could never find within his arms.

I just did not know how to tell him. So I hid and hoped he would eventually move on and forget me. I knew this was an irrational thought and yet it gave me comfort.

Johny left for awhile and I decided to help Ponyboy around the house before the state came to check up on them next week. We scrubbed everything to the fine detail, cleaning up and doing laundry. I thought that it would be a nice surprise to Darry who struggled to run a stable household. Pony told me that I didn't have to help since it wasn't my mess. I just ignored him and kept cleaning anyway. While all the boys were off to work, there was nothing better to do to pass the time between then and the drive-in. Soon we were all finished and we stood around marveling at the results of our hard work.

"I haven't seen the house look this clean since mom and dad were alive," Pony said and then paused. I often forgot that their own parents had died only a month or so before my mother. A sad expression washed over his face but it was gone in less than a second. He was stronger than I was. At least he could hide the pain. I hadn't gotten that far.

I gave Pony a pat on the back and then went to go start cooking dinner. I had sped a ham in the fridge, that I seasoned with what I could find and placed it in the oven. I began to boil water to eventually make garlic mashed potatoes. I looked outside the kitchen window and realized that in a few hours the sun would be setting. I had to get home quickly and change my clothes. It wasn't something that I was looking forward to, but I knew that I couldn't avoid it forever. Johnny returned as I walked in to the living room and told the boys where I was going. I told them if the timer beeps on the counter, to take the ham out of the over so that it doesn't burn. They weren't too keen on me walking alone to the West side alone, but I promised that I would be careful and hurry back.

I left the house and walked quickly back to my side of town. It was a decent walk, which is why I had left early. It was the last place in the world that I wanted to be. I remembered the hatred in my fathers eyes, the way he grabbed my arm and the pain in my chest that was deeper than physical. Yet it was as much my home as it was my fathers and I refused to be run out without a fight. Hopefully he had cooled off by now and would be more susceptible to reason. I wasn't asking him to agree with my decisions, just to accept them and to allow me to live my own life. I arrived at the house to find the door locked. I grabbed the spare key that had remained hidden under the flower pot beneath the window. When I entered I was surprised at how stale the air smelled. Like no fresh air had entered in days. The lights were off and the silence was a comfort.

No one was home.

I ran up the steps to my room and when I opened my door I was beyond disturbed by what I saw. The room looked as if a robber had broken in and destroyed everything in their path. Every possession that I had ever owned was strewn about the room. Yet most of it was missing completely. My dresser was gone, all of my pictures and most of the miscellaneous belongings that I had collected over my lifetime were gone as well. I turned around and ran quickly through the house, checking every room in fear that something terrible had happened and yet found everything to be in order. My room was the only one that had been vandalized.

What was most disturbing to me was the stained glass window that had been shattered to pieces as if someone had thrown a large rock through the center of it. I walked over slowly and ran my fingers along the edge of the glass. I looked out of it's shattered frame and down in to the backyard. The breath caught in my throat. My father had taken almost everything that I had ever owned, stacked it in to a large pile in the yard, poured gasoline on it and burned it to ashes.

I whimpered and my knees went weak. I held on to the wall for support so that I did not fall forward through what was left of the window. I could not take my eyes of the smoldering pile in the grass. Smoke stilled billowed up into the evening air.

I felt numb and could barely think about anything but getting out of there. There was nothing left for me there. I found one white undershirt that he had forgot and I slipped it on, underneath my tattered yellow cardigan and remained in the same skirt from the day before. It would have to do for now. Suddenly I remembered a secret that I had been keeping for years and I ran over to the corner of my room to feel a long the wooden floor. I removed a loose board and sighed in relief. I reached in and pulled out a small silver box where I had kept all of my valuable possessions. Inside was two hundred dollars in cash and other various private treasures. I had saved up every spare change and my allowance for years since I was fourteen and never touched a cent.

Suddenly I heard someone walk in the front door downstairs and I quickly replaced my stuff. I would come back for it soon. "Hello?" I heard my fathers voice echo through the halls. He didn't seem concerned, so I knew that he must have known it was me.

I didn't know whether I should answer or not and yet I decided to pray and be brave. I tried to sound polite and to steady the shaking in my voice. "It's me dad. I just came to get a few things, I'll be gone before you know it."

_How could I sound this calm?_

I heard footsteps on the stairs and soon he was standing in my doorway looking down at me. His face was not filled with evil like it had been the previous night. I couldn't speak I just looked back. I must have looked a mess. Not that he looked much better.

His tie was hanging loosely around his unbuttoned jacket, his pants were wrinkled and looked worn thin. Just like the rest of him.

"I apologize for my behavior yesterday." This was all that he said and I knew that it was the only form of an apology that I would ever get. I expected him to say, "But..." and then blame it on me, like he always does and yet he didn't.

I looked around my tattered room once more and my voice shook. Yet I held strong. "Okay." I couldn't bring myself to lie and say that it was alright. Because I knew that it never would be again.

"Are you going to be here for dinner?" My father asked, like it was a usual occurrence.

"No, I am going to the nightly double with a few friends." Suddenly I got afraid at the thought of what had happened the night before and I added quickly. "If that is alright with you."

It wasn't really a question and yet I stood there waiting for an answer. "That is fine. Do what you want."

He wasn't mad and I couldn't quite understand. His lack of anger actually frightened me more than his usual behavior. I just nodded my head and watched as he disappeared down the hallway.

I couldn't take another moment in that house and I grabbed my belongings and ran out the door. Returning to the east side of town and to the closest thing to comfort I could find.

I arrived just before Soda and Darry got home from work. Pony had done what I asked and pulled the ham out of the over. It was as perfect as it was going to get. Johnny started slicing it in uneven slices, while I worked on the mashed potatoes.

Darry walked in and couldn't quite contain his surprise. He stood staring around the house in shock and then walked slowly in to the kitchen. He eyed the food wearily but relaxed with I gave him a quick sample to show that it was edible. Soda was not so skeptical and leaped right down in to a chair at the table. He sat with his fork and knife in the air, waiting to be served.

We all sat down to eat dinner and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was a part of a family. Even if it wasn't my own and was only temporary. The entire time I didn't speak a single word about what had happened at my house. I couldn't quite figure out the proper way to put in to words exactly how I felt, so I just remained silent. It was getting dark outside and the streets were empty, by the time we left for the drive-in. Once we arrived at our destination, I followed the guys cautiously as they showed me a way to get in through the fence in the back. I was weary and yet there was still a slight addicting quality to danger. I climbed under last, doing my very best to keep my skirt down and then stood up to dust myself off. They hadn't said anything about the fact that I was still wearing my dirty clothes from the day before. Although Darry had kindly offered to do my laundry for me.

I followed Sodapop down to the row of seats and we began to watch the movie. It was an old western that I had seen many times before. I think Soda had too because he kept fidgeting in his seat. It was either that or he just couldn't keep still for a moment. I was highly away of his arm on the arm rest beside mine and the warmth that was radiating from his skin made it hard to concentrate on the movie. I gave up and got to my feet.

"I'm going to get something to drink, anyone want anything?" I asked the boys.

"I'll come with you," Soda said as he got to his feet as well and followed me to the concession stand in silence. I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts to notice his odd behavior.

We stood in line, behind a group of bickering young girls and began talking about the old days when we were both still in school.

"Do you remember that one day in art class when you accidentally spilled paint on the teachers chair and she sat in it? " I asked, laughing at the memory.

"Sure do. She walked around all day with a green..." I was in the middle of laughing when I heard someone call my name from behind.

I turned around and almost dropped my drink. Standing before me, lined by a small group of his closest friends, was my boyfriend.

"Brad ... what are you doing here?" I asked wearily. This was the last thing that I had expected or needed at that moment.

He was six-two, with a lean build. Short brown hair covered his head and his eyes were deep emerald green. He was handsome, that was for sure. Yet next to Sodapop he just looked average. I swore inwardly at the comparison. It was wrong to do so and I knew it. Yet, it seemed to have become automatic lately. He wore a burgundy and yellow madras ski jacket and kachi pants.

"I should be asking you the same question!" He spat out as he looked at Sodapop who subconsciously took a step closer to me in a protective stance.

I swallowed hard and sweat dripped down the back of my neck. I knew that this situation had the potential to turn very dangerous, very fast.

I was right.


	7. More Trouble Than You're Worth

**More Trouble Than Your Worth**

I turned quickly on my feet and stared up at Sodapop. I analyzed the boy standing in front of me. He had a hard tense look on his face that I had never seen before. For the first time since I had known him, I realized that a tough core lingered within the soft exterior that he so often adapted in my presence.

"Whose this character?" Sodapop asked without taking his eyes off of Bradley and his friends.

I sucked air in to my lungs and then blew it out hard with a puff. I didn't know why I felt so strange about telling Sodapop about my boyfriend and yet I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Yet I knew that I had to get it over with sometime. Now was definitely better than never.

I whispered "He's my boyfriend."

I could feel Sodapop tense beside me and I just lowered my head to the ground in shame. I felt him take a step away from me and my heart sank. Maybe the reason that I had been so scared to tell Soda about Brad, was because I knew that he would pull away from me.

"Come here Valentine, I need to talk to you." Brad demanded as he reached out and grabbed my arm to pull me closer. I could feel his fingertips digging hard into my already bruised skin.

The second his hand touched my arm, Sodapops hand shot out and grabbed Brad's wrist and yanked it off of mine. I swallowed hard and knew what was about to begin. The tension in the air was so thick that you could feel it press against you.

"What's your problem buddy?" Brad soon lost all interest in my presence and stepped in to Soda's face.

"I'm not you're buddy," Soda growled. "And you're my problem."

"Well why don't I help you get over it," Brad retorted, his eyes flashing dangerously.

I knew what happens when he gets that look in his eyes and it was never anything good. I looked down and in shock, I realized that I had automatically put my hand protectively on Soda's arm. He looked down at my hand and then up in to my face. I wondered if he could see the fear in my eyes.

_Why was I so afraid for him?_ Soda was of a much larger build than Brad and I knew that he could handle himself. I did not know for sure and yet I could guess that he was also much more skilled in fighting. _Why wasn't I scared for Brad?_

Brad turned to Steven, a nervous red haired freshman linebacker from the football team who hovered over his left shoulder. "Take Diana back to her house. Her fathers been looking for her and make sure she stays there."

"I'll go home when I'm ready," I said sternly. I refused to be under the control of any man.

"You'll do what I tell you. I'm tired of your immature games Diana!"

"Hey kids, take it outside!" Yelled the manager of the concession stand as he leaned over the counter. He was wearing black paints and a checkered shirt, under a white apron stained with grease. His hair was speckled gray and the black frames of his glasses protruded out of his face. We all ignored him and yet the boys instinctively inched their way to the exit.

Steven took my forearm in his hands, and pulled me out of the metal doors and in to the cool night air. It bit against my skin like needles, compared to the warm contrast of the concession stand. Another soc who I had never met before, followed suit. "Don't touch me!" I argued and tried to yank my arm free, but to no avail.

"Just calm down," Steven said with a relaxed drawl to his voice. He wasn't angry and yet he was still hurting me. Which I definitely did not appreciate.

I looked over my shoulder as I was being drug in the opposite direction, to see Sodapop standing in the doorway with Brad an inch from his face and a larger boy by his side. I couldn't hear what Sodapop said over a group of four young girls who began laughing loudly to our right. Before I could grasp what happened next, Brads fist collided with a sickening crack against Sodapops right cheek. He stumbled back for a step and before I could cry out, he launched himself forward taking Brad down by a tackle to the stomach. A few girls screamed as the boys slammed in to the wall where they where standing.

I chocked on the very breath I was breathing as the boy beside me who I didn't know, went to join the fight as well. I watched as his foot collided with Soda's side. It was three on one.

I could not understand how any positive feelings or pride could be disbursed from jumping someone. If anything, it does nothing more than accent your weakness and not your strength. I did not agree with violence in any form and yet a one on one confrontation took courage, strength and skill. Outnumbering and opponent brings no positive reward for victory.

"Stop it!" I screamed and tried to break free from Stevens grasp but I was too weak.

"Let's go," he said and pulled me around the other side of the concession stand and headed towards the entrance. Soon Sodapop was out of view and surrounded by a group of curious onlookers.

_Why wouldn't someone stop this?_

"Please just let me go!" I begged Steven. "I didn't do anything to you."

"I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm just going to do what Brad said and get you home, okay? or I'll never hear the end of it." You could tell by his response that he was telling the truth and yet that did little to calm my fury.

"Can't you just let me go and tell Brad that you took me home?" I asked, the frustration clearly present in my voice.

I could hear the woops and hollars from the crowd as the fight continued on the other side. I was unable to get there, unable to help.

_Why was it still going on?_

Steven jerked me to a halt and turned to look at me. "Look doll, I'm not stupid. The moment I let go of your arm you are going to run right back to your greaser boy." I was impressed. He was a whole lot smarter than I gave him credit for.

"His name is Sodapop." I spat out.

"Like I care." He said bitterly.

"Please let me go," I tried one last failed attempt.

"Sorry toots, it's not happening."

We were standing in the back of the building, and the dim street light beyond the fence was our only source of light. Suddenly I heard someone clear their throat and to my complete surprise, out from the darkness stepped Dallas Winston. Beside him was a skinny blonde girl. By her unbuttoned blouse, smeared red lipstick and disheveled appearance, you could obviously tell what they were doing in the shadows.

I was looking at the girl when I heard a click and before I realized what was happening, Steven froze as the barrel of a gun was placed to the back of his head. "I'd do what she says if I were you." Dally spoke calmly and with venom leaking from his lips with every syllable. His eyes were cool and hard, like glass. All I could see was the whites of his eyes in the night.

"Golly man, I wasn't gonna do anything to her," Seven stuttered, trying not to show that he was trembling with fear.

"Did you hear me or do I have to clean out your ears for you?" Dallas hissed.

Steven quickly let go of my wrist and I rubbed it instinctively. I looked up at the boy standing in front of me and sighed. He looked just as terrified as I felt.

"Now get outta' here!" Dally hollered and kicked dirt beside the kids feet.

Dallas sure didn't need to tell that kid twice, he beat it before another word was spoken. I stood there shaking and then looked up at him with wide eyes. "tha...thank you." I managed to squeak out.

The JD in front of me just glared. "I didn't do it for you. I did it for Sodapop. You're more trouble than you're worth."

I didn't answer, I just nodded my head. Sure Dallas just rescued me. Yet why did I assume that he had meant it personally? Being nice wasn't his style.

The blonde girl in the back just rested her tall lean frame against the brick wall and had one hand folded across her chest and the other was being used to smoke a cigarette. She had a smirk on her face and I could tell she got pleasure from what had just occurred. Yet another part of her looked absolutely bored.

Dally didn't speak to me again, he turned around and walked back over to the girl and pushed his body close against hers on the wall, as he leaned in to kiss her neck. I turned around and walked away quickly, they were obviously going to continue whatever it was that I had previously interrupted and I wasn't too keen on sticking around to watch.

I ran full speed around the building and ended up smacking straight in to some guys chest. It felt as if I had hit a brick wall and I got knocked backwards on to the ground.

"I'm so sorry about that," I said instantly and once my head stopped spinning I picked myself up.

I looked around frantically for any sign of a struggle. Yet to my surprise there was none. I couldn't see Sodapop or anyone else that I knew for that matter. Brad and his crew were nowhere in sight. I panicked for a brief moment and then I remembered Ponyboy and Johnny. I had to find them, I had to get help.

So many thoughts kept lurking in my mind. _What if Sodapop was hurt? What if they had drug him away somewhere?_

I ran over to where the seats were located and cried out when I didn't see the two young greasers anywhere. _Where could they possibly be?_

I stood there shaking and practically in tears when I raised my view up slightly and gazed into the distance. I sighed when I saw Two-bit talking to a few greasers on the edge of a blue ford. He looked up surprised when I ran over and grabbed his arm. He tensed and almost took a swing at me before he realized who I was. I knew that was a stupid move and yet I did not care. "Two-Bit, I need your help! They attacked Soda and now they're gone and he could be hurt or in trouble."

"Woah, Woah...calm down sweetheart," Two-bit said waving me to be quiet, as he placed his hands on both my shoulders to steady my rapid movements.

"He's hurt! How can I calm down?" I practically screamed and grew even more angry at his own casual misdemeanor. _Did he think this was some kind of joke?_

"Come here," Two-bit put his hand on my lower back and began to lead me in the opposite direction of the concession stand.

I looked back at the old brick building in desperation. "But we have to go that way! That's where it happened. We have to go back!"

"Look," Two-bit said with a laugh as he turned me around and gently pushed me forward. I tripped forward and looked up after catching my balance to see Sodapop standing in front of me. His lip was busted open and he had a black eye to match. Next to him was Ponyboy and Johnny, smoking a cancer stick.

"You're okay!" I cried and flung my arms around his waist before I even thought about what I was doing. I buried my face deep in to his chest. His shirt was sweaty, but I didn't mind. He wrapped his arms around me as well and pulled me close.

"I'm a lot tougher than I look," He laughed and I sent out a muffled laugh of my own in to his chest.

I could hear the other boys snicker and I looked over at them. I had almost forgotten that we had company. "Oh be quiet!" But the blush was apparent in my cheeks, as I pulled away from Sodapop and took a step to the right. I tried to compose myself as best as I could.

"Well the movie is over, let's head home before it gets too late," Ponyboy said. "Darry is already gonna to be mad once he see's your face Soda."

"Just tell em' that Valentine did it, he'll be impressed," Two-bit joked and I just shook my head. "Well i'm heading out with some buddies of mine. See ya bums around."

We each said goodbye in our turn and then headed back out in to the night. I knew that I would feel wrong if I stayed at the Curtis house again. It wasn't my place to push myself in to their lives. Johnny parted ways with us and walked over to spend the night in the vacant lot by his house. I convinced Sodapop that I was alright to walk home once we reached fifth ave. It was only three blocks from the intersection to my house.

"Are you sure about this?" Sodapop asked, as he pulled me off to the side away from the others.

"I'll be fine," i promised. "Are you alright?" I asked as I looked up at him.

He sighed and refused to meet my eyes. I could tell by his tense behavior on the walk home that something was bothering him. It wasn't hard to guess what it was.

"I'll see you later Diana," Soda replied tersely and then walked back over to the boys.

I wanted to reach out and grab his hand. I wanted to apologize, to make it better and yet I knew that I never could. I should have told him at the beginning and I chose to hide it instead. It was my decision and it was something that I would have to live with forever.


	8. Blame Is The Name Of The Game

**Blame Is The Name Of The Game**

I woke in the early morning, shivering and wrapped up on the floor of my bedroom in a small comforter that I had found in the guest bedroom down the hall. It did little to deter the bitter cold air that swept in through the broken windows. I would have slept in the guest bedroom that night, except that it was the same room where my grandmother had died four years before and still to this day it makes me shiver.

I laid there rubbing my eyes and yawning. I thought about the previous night and was completely oblivious to what would begin to happen that day. My father was awake when I had arrived home the night before and yet he did not speak a word to me as I entered. I had never been more thankful for the silence. He had been drinking like usual and so I knew for a fact that it would not be an early morning for him.

I walked downstairs as quietly as I could and I sat at the kitchen table, alone in the dark. The sun wouldn't rise for another few hours. I had time to be alone. Time to think about all that has happened the past few days.

All I saw was violence.

I knew that I would have to see Sodapop sometime today and apologize for breaking his trust. I had to make things right between us. I couldn't imagine him being alive and thinking badly of me.

I made waffles with whatever leftover groceries I could find. My father had fired the maid about a week ago and he hasn't stepped in to the kitchen since. Not that he had to. Word around town was that he had been keeping company lately with a middle aged woman name Edith. _I'm sure she takes good care of him._ My mind bitterly replied.

The waffles tasted like cardboard. I choked down a few bites and then threw the rest in the trash. My mind had been running at full speed the past few days and I often found myself forgetting to eat. I was the skinniest that I have ever been and it wasn't in an attractive way.

I returned to my bedroom and looked around for something to wear. After my father burned all of my possessions, I had only a few things left. I couldn't find a single matching outfit, so I walked over to the box beneath the floorboard. I took out a few dollars in cash and replaced it. I would just go buy myself a few things before I left to go visit the Curtis place.

The shops on main street did not open for another hour, so I took that time to shower and get myself put together as best as I could. I looked in to the bathroom mirror and held back a sob. I looked terrible. My skin was a pale unnatural hue, dark circles were protruding from beneath my tired eyes and the bruise on my cheek was already fading to a green & yellow blotch. My brown hair was knotted and greasy from its own natural oils.

I quickly stripped own and then stood there staring at my naked body in the mirror. My hands trembled as I ran them along my side. I couldn't even recognize myself anymore. I was a stranger in my own skin.

I turned away in disgust and climbed in to the shower. I lingered there until the hot water ran out and then I stepped out on to the cool tile floor. I was thankful for the fog that filled the room and made it incapable for me to see my reflection. I grabbed a burgundy towel off of the hanger and wrapped it tightly around my figure so that it didn't fall down.

I stepped out in to the hallway and screamed as I ran in to someone. I quickly grabbed my towel and cowered behind the door. "Watch where you're going!" My father growled and then I heard a female giggle on the other side of the wall. I looked around the corner and saw Edith McGee standing there before me. Her auburn hair in braids on her head. She was a medium build, with a large bust that protruded out of her too tight cardigan. Her lower half was covered in a long skirt that reached her ankles. Her hand was clasped in my fathers and he pulled her past me, down the hall to his bedroom.

It took every ounce of strength I had to control my temper at that moment. _How dare he!_ I was practically seeing red. Mother had just died no more than a month before. _Was it that easy for him to move on? Did he not care about her at all?_

I couldn't imagine this woman in our house, my mothers house. Using my mothers things and sleeping in the same bed that my mother used to sleep in. I felt like I was going to be sick.

I bit back tears for the injustice of it all and stalked back to my bedroom. I got dressed as quickly as possible and left a bit earlier than I had anticipated. I'd grab a bite to eat at the diner on the way and then headed over to the clothing shop.

Mornings in Tulsa were my favorite time to be awake. There was something about twilight. The soft light as it lingered just below the horizon. The smell and the dew upon the ground, a fresh and new beginning for the world. It put me at peace with life.

I looked at the time on a clock in the window of a electronic store and suddenly I realized that if I hurried, I could make it to the Curtis house before the boys had to leave for work. I knew that I would get no rest that day if I did not make things right.

I stopped in my tracks and began to head east towards my destination. It was still too early for most of the citizens of Tulsa to be awake. The streets were desolate and serene. I saw a different side of the city that day.

I took a detour off of main street and it only took me fifteen minutes to reach the house. I was thankful that they didn't live too deep into the east side. There were still parts of that neighborhood that I knew would be unwise to venture in to.

The sun almost fully lit the eastern sky and I could see that the front screen door was open at the little white house. I could hear the sound of the tv coming through the open door and a radio blasting way too loud for this early in the morning.

"Turn that down Sodapop, before the neighbors have a fit!" I could hear Darry yelling from the kitchen. After the volume was lowered to a normal level. I could hear Sodapops voice.

"They won't say nuthin. They're too scared," Soda laughed.

"I don't know what for," Ponyboy joked from the living room. He must have been the one watching tv. "I mean it's not like the last time they said anything and Dal broke all the windows in the front of their house when they weren't home."

"Ya and the fuz showed up at our door threatening to file charges," Darry commented in exasperation. "That boy means well, but I wish he'd run his plans by me first before he goes ahead with them. He's a wise guy but sure doesn't use his head sometimes. Either way, it's common courtesy so keep it down!"

I grinned to myself and walked up the steps. I knocked slowly on the door and watched as Ponyboy leaned his head around the corner of the couch to see who it was. He was obviously confused because I forgot that most visitors never knock at their house.

"Hey Valentine!" Ponyboy exclaimed. His obvious affection for me, made me smile.

"Hey Ponyboy, is Sodapop..." I didn't finish because at the mention of my name, the man I was looking for came walking out from the bathroom with a tooshbrush half in his mouth.

He just stood there staring at me and you could tell that he was obviously debating in his mind on how to respond to my presence. His features weren't filled with hatred and for that I was thankful and yet I still missed the light that lit up his face when he used to see me. Ponyboy grew uncomfortable and walked in the kitchen to help Darry.

"Can I talk to you Soda?" I asked calmly. I stood there shifting my feet and ringing my blouse in my hands.

"We'll talk later," Was the only response I got as he disappeared around the corner. Yet I was thankful when heard his voice muffled by the bathroom door. "Are you hungry?"

"A little," I yelled in reply.

"Well sit down and I'll make you some eggs," came Darry's voice from the kitchen. I hesitated for a moment and then walked in to the kitchen.

Darry made me two scrambled eggs, which I ate in small bites as I took sips of milk from my glass. I tried not to show how hungry I really was. I didn't need to raise more concern than was necessary. I looked around at the three boys and was amazed at what I saw. Everything was back to normal after last night, except for the bruises on Soda's face but even those had already begun to heal nicely. I marveled at the way that they could just pass it off as just another average day in the life of a greaser. To them it was no big deal.

_I mean, what's another fight with a few soc's? Right?_

However, to me it was so much more than that. It sanctified the fact that I could no longer return to the other side. I could no longer go back to my old life where I played the part of the rich, know it all, super soc. Nor did I have any desire to. By now it had probably spread like wildfire around town, that I had become a traitor to my social class, a misfit to society and an embarrassment, no less, to the loving father who conceived me.

Some would blame it on my mothers death. They would say how I had been in such a state of depression that I had been easily manipulated. Others would say that I had just done this to spite my family, as payback for God knows what.

This was what I had to deal with every day of my life, living in the city of Tulsa where nobody had anything better to do than to gossip.

"Are you all right, Diana?" Pony asked. I looked up and all three boys were staring at me strangely.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Ya I'm fine." I said casually. Pony still stood there staring at me."I'm fine really, I was just thinking about things, that's all." He shook his head and walked back into the living room. I know he didn't believe me. I was such a terrible liar. I used to be so good at the art of deceiving. Not that it was something to be proud of. These boys had some way of seeing right through you.

"Didn't you go home last night?" Sodapop asked me curiously.

"Ya, why?" came my confused response.

"Oh, you were just wearing the same outfit and everything, so I wasn't sure if you decided not to."

"Oh..." Came my insecure response. "I...it's the only outfit I have now. My father burned everything else that I owned." I replied sadly as I looked down at the table and began playing absentmindedly with the salt shaker.

Darry and Sodapop exchanged glances and I knew that they were asking questions in their mind. I was just waiting for them to speak them out loud. To my surprise, they never did.

I watched as everyone got ready for work and school, then looked out on to the porch as they left. To my surprise, it was Soda's day off, so he stayed home with me. I was glad that we had the time to spend together. I had so much I needed to tell him and we hadn't been alone together in days. I needed the time to actually explain what had happened without distraction. I needed him to know my heart.

Yet there was also this atmosphere in the air that made me uneasy about being alone together. Everything was so tense between us now. He had been acting strange the night before and that morning, ever since he had found out about Brad. I could see where Soda had felt betrayed. I should have told him and yet, a part of me kept telling myself that we were just friends, the fact that I had a boyfriend should not have bothered him that much.

Or maybe it was just my imagination and he always acted like that. All I knew was that I was not going to go through this day without finding out what was going on.

I walked back inside and I saw Soda sitting on the couch watching TV. Taking a deep breath I walked over and sat next to him. The silence between us was excruciating. I sat there quietly, until I could no longer stand it and spoke.

"Soda, what's going on?" I asked. He looked startled at first and then just stared at me.

"What are you talking about?" He spoke unconvincingly.

"You know what I'm talking about. You've been acting strange towards me ever since you heard about Brad. I just want to know why?"

"There is no reason why," He said.

"Then how can you explain how you've been treating me lately?" I asked, pushing the subject just a little bit farther.

"I haven't been treating you any differently than I treat anyone else," he said as his voice slowly began raising in volume. I did not wish to make him angry. Yet I would not leave until I had an explanation of some sort.

"But..." I didn't get to finish before he cut me off and started yelling in my face. I coward back against the couch in surprise.

"I don't know what's going on any more than you do, Diana! All I know is that right now I don't care about anything that has to do with your pathetic life...I don't care about you. So stop trying to get me to feel sorry for you, I have better things to worry about!"

We both sat there facing each other in shock. Neither one of us could believe what he had just said. I knew right away that Soda regretted it deeply, but it couldn't be taken back. I could never explain just how much that had wounded me inside. Soda had been the only one who I felt that I could truly rely on after the death of my mother. He was the only friend I had left. It was like I had been stabbed in the chest with a cold dagger. I took a deep breath and just sat there frozen.

He opened his mouth to say something but shut it again. I broke eye contact and stared at my hands for a few minutes before I heard him speak again.

"Diana I..." his voice was hoarse and came out barely more than a whisper. Yet he was cut off by the soft knocking of someone at the front door. He looked at me and then at the door before he finally decided to answer it. Soon a feminine voice went ringing through the room. I looked up at the door quickly and standing there was a skinny, curly blonde haired girl that I had seen around school a few times. She was a greaser and yet feminine and pretty, not trashy like most.

"Hi Sandy," Soda said casually running his fingers through his hair as he leaned against the door frame. He was obviously stressed, i could see it in his eyes.

"Hey Sodapop," She said popping gum in her mouth. "Are we still going out tonight?"

So he had plans...

_I was such fool had I been to actually believe that he would want to spend time with me today?_

I watched as he quickly looked back at me and then at Sandy once more. It took him a few seconds to make up his mind. The response he gave was the farthest thing from what I had been hoping to hear. Sandy looked over at me with a curious expression on her face but was satisfied when he finally answered.

"Of course. I'm just running a little late. I'll be out in a minute." He shut the door and then slowly walked back towards me. I put up a hand to stop him before he began to speak again.

"Don't! You said enough already. I can't believe that I was stupid enough to think that you were actually my friend. When really you couldn't stand me! Was this your plan all along? To pretend like you cared just to secretly laugh at me behind my back?"

"No I..." I cut him off again.

"That's all you think of me as, right Sodapop... just some stupid pathetic soc? I don't know why you would ever think that I would want your pity. I just wanted...oh never mind! Well, at least now I know the truth. If you didn't want me here in the first place, all you had to do was say so!" I jumped up quickly off of the couch and ran out of the front door. I slammed hard in to Sandy's shoulder and almost fell but I caught my balance. I could hear her swear under her breath.

I ran for a few blocks until I reached the park at the far end of town. I was out of breath and exhausted. So I laid down on the edge of the fountain. It's water was drained because of maintenance. I just laid there for hours with my head in my hands. Yet I did not cry. I promised myself that night that I would never cry for another man again.


	9. To Break A Hearbeat

**To Break A Heartbeat**

It is a tragic occurrence when you wake up from a gruesome nightmare and realize that your life is even worse than that. It is that sinking feeling when you are down on your hands and knees just praying to God that you will fall back asleep. It is that nightmare so real that it eats you alive from the inside out. It is your life. There is no escaping it.

This was one of those moments.

I woke up to the soft dripping of cool water against the side of my face. It had begun to rain. I moaned in pain from where the cement had been digging in to my elbow as I rested my head on it for support. It took me a few moments to acknowledge my location and once realization hit, I sat up in a hurry. I was still in the park and it was dark out now. Night had fallen over the city. The only light around was coming from the lamps on the street across the way. I stood up quickly and dusted myself off as I looked around me.

_I am a fool!_

The grass was muddy and brown beneath my feet. I shivered and rubbed my arms with my hands. I was a idiot for not bringing a jacket. Actually I was a fool for many things lately. It was still only late March and the weather was bitter cold from a late spring. I pushed the weather to the back of my mind and thought about my options.

I could return to Sodapops and sleep on their couch, then leave when the sun came up. The door was always open and Darry had indeed extended the offer to me whenever I was in need. Which was definitely this night. Yet turning around and forcing myself to suck up my pride and take charity, was not on the top of my list at the moment. He had made it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with me. If I returned there and begged for aid, I would be showing my obvious lack of self-respect or the ability to survive on my own. I would sleep on the street before I lowered myself to such a level. The other option was to return home, which was a twenty mile walk from my location. I nodded my head and began the journey.

I didn't mind the distance. I knew that it would take me awhile and the sun would probably rise before I arrived home. Yet it would be the perfect time for me to gather my thoughts and at least the exercise would warm me up. I was being stubborn to say the least. My day had been a journey in itself. I left my house this morning to make amends for my mistakes and all that I did was make things worse. I felt like I had been running from the moment that I awoke. So what was another few miles?

I was stubborn and yet I knew that I could not place my wounded pride on to a pedestal and risk the embarrassment that would be the aftermath of my immature behavior. I tried to act like I was strong. Like I was mature and an adult, when really I was only sixteen years old. I was still only a child in the whole aspect of life.

Something was telling me to just be strong and go back to the Curtis house. That would have been the smart thing to do...I'm not so intelligent sometimes. I never used my head.

I started walking down the pathway when I heard a bottle drop and shatter behind me. Startled, I jumped around and saw two boys walking towards me. I shivered.

_Where had they come from?_

The last time that I had looked around at my surroundings, the park had been empty, completely devoid of all life except a night owl perched on the top of a branch by the swings and myself. To be alone at night was a dangerous business. To have visitors was even worse. You never knew at this time of night what could happen in the dark of a city. I had walked alone many times in my life and nothing had happened. Yet I was knew that I was kicking my odds a little too many times and soon they would start to kick back._  
_

From the quick glance in their direction, I could tell that the two boys were Soc's by the looks of it. They were tall, clean cut and handsome.

_Why were they so far out of their territory?_ I thought to myself, as I ignored them and continued on my way home. Yet I was constantly aware of their presence behind me. The fear was like a shadow, that never left my side.

I did my best to quicken my pace without making it obvious that I was afraid. If they did indeed have improper thoughts in their mind, it would only start it off quicker if I decided to run. I was a very fast runner, but I wouldn't bet my luck that one of those boys were in far better shape than I was lately.

The constant beat of the following footsteps began to grow louder and louder in the dark. Or maybe it was just my imagination. The wind picked up and I curled my arms even tighter to my chest in a frugal attempt to keep warm. The wind whistled through the dead tree branches, orchestrating an eerie symphony to the night. I was probably a pitiful site to see. Cold and wet, like a soggy dog after a bath.

I was almost to the street. I could see the clearing just ahead of me. All I had to do was get through an archway of trees and I was free from its confinements. I looked back quickly and could see that the boys were still following me. They were closer this time and eyed me curiously. They didn't look drunk. They walked without a stagger and for that I was thankful. My stomach clenched and the fight or flight response took over. Without thinking twice, I started to run and I felt relief the moment I broke free from the trees as I stepped out in to the well lit street. I could hear the sound of loud music and laughter coming from a bar two houses down from where I was standing. I was safe. Nobody would risk doing anything to me this out in the open. It was too risky. Not that anybody would help me, especially dressed as a soc. Yet they wouldn't risk witnesses. I looked closer at my location and realized with relief that I was only a few houses down from where Two-bit lived. I remember the boys pointing it out during the night we walked to the Nightly Double.

I decided that it would be a wise decision to go there and ask to sleep over. It was late and I would feel rude for waking up it's inhabitants, but I knew that I had enough of an adventure for one night. At least that was what I had thought.

My relief was only short lived when suddenly the loudest noise that I have ever heard began ringing in my ears. I turn around and was blinded by a bright yellow light only seconds before the pain began. Something smashed in to the entire right side of my body. I was knocked in to the air and then landed with a sickening crack as my head smacked off something hard and everything went black.

In the process of regaining consciousness, I could hear voices speaking. They were low at first and then they grew louder. I wished they would keep it down, my head was hurting so bad that I could barely think straight. I couldn't manage to open my eyes. I couldn't do much of anything. The pain was so severe.

"You idiot!" screamed a boy. "I told you to let me drive!"

"I only had a few beers. She came out of nowhere. Stupid broad!"

"Oh God, she's dead!" I heard another voice cry out.

"We have to get out of here. It was her own stupid fault," Said the first voice with no compassion.

"We can't just leave her here!"

"Are you itchin' to get thrown in the slammer for murder? Because I sure aint. Let's drag her out of the way so nobody see's her and then beat it!" Before anyone had time to debate, I could feel someone grab my arms and began dragging me along the rough cement. My back was scraping off of the sidewalk as it tore holes in my sweater. Not that it wasn't already gone to hell anyway.

_Please let me go! _Begged the voice in my head.

They never heard me.

I was thrown hard in to the mud. Dirt splashed up violently against my face, covering my lips and eyelids. At least the earth was softer than the cement had been. The dirt didn't linger there long as the rain continued to beat down hard upon my lip body. I wanted to open my eyes. To beg for help. I couldn't.

"This is wrong," said one of the boys. He sounded sad. I was thankful for his concern.

"Let's go!"

Suddenly I was left in silence. The only thing I heard was thunder in the distance, footsteps and the screeching of car tires as they departed down the road.

I did not know what to think at the time or even how to think. My body felt broken. I should have figured that it would match my heart eventually. I just laid there and listened to the sound of the raindrops. The rhythm helped me take my mind off of what had just happened or the fact that I may possibly die there that night. Was I ready? Was this really what I had wanted?

I shook my head. I wanted to live.

I began to think that I had nothing to live for and then the face of my mother appeared in my mind. It was so brief and yet so beautiful. Most would have looked in to her life and thought that she had nothing to live for either and yet she had lived for me. I was brutally reminded that I may not have much, yet I had the love of my mother buried in side of me. That love gave me strength. I had hope that one day life would get better. I knew that I could just lay there and die, but time would go on without me or I could stand up and live. I would grow and I would change. I was still just a child. I would make mistakes and I would learn. That was the whole point in living.

Then Sodapops face flashed across the darkness and I felt relief. I knew that love was what gave life meaning. I may never change the world...but I'd be damned if I couldn't change one persons world for the better.

Yet to do that I had to get out of there. I had to get help. I laid there for a good ten minutes, trying to control the pain that radiated off of every inch of me. My mind began to numb the pain long enough for me to open my eyes. I blinked away the rain drops that blinded me. It took me a few seconds to adjust to the darkness and to make out where I was.

I was back in the park again, covered by the shade of a few bushes that lined the path. On the right side of me was a tall Chinese Pistache tree. If I attempted to stand up slowly it would never happen. So I took a deep breath, managed to roll over on to my stomach and push myself up in to a kneeling position. I screamed loudly in pain. I was weak and I knew that my right arm was broken. I had to force myself to stand anyway. I used the tree trunk for leverage and the moment I was upright, I was overcome by nausea. I turned around and threw up violently behind me. When I finished I leaned my shoulder against the tree for balance but cried out in pain and took all pressure off of my wounded shoulder. I put a hand to the back of my head and when I pulled it away it was covered in blood so dark that it looked black in the night. it was the beating my scull had taken when it collided with the curb and I was knocked unconscious. A few of my ribs were also broken. It was obvious by the pain in my chest that made it hard for me to catch my breath. I kept reminding myself that I couldn't stay there in the dark, so I did the only thing that I could think of and began to limp my way to Two-Bits unaware of how bad I actually looked. A few people walking by on the on the street stopped to stare at me and whisper as I passed.

I knew that nobody would help me. Not here. In this neighborhood you learn to look the other way and not get involved.

Each step felt like it would do me in for good. I do not know how long it took me to stumble to that brick two story house. All i knew was that I wouldn't make it if it was any farther. Soon I reached the residence and climbed the four wooden stairs to the porch. I knocked three times so softly I was afraid that nobody heard and then I fell to my knees. I heard the door crack open slightly after a few minutes and I looked up. It was Ms. Mathews standing there in her nightgown. I had only met her once earlier that day at her job as waitress at a diner in town. She was a sweet woman and I knew right away where Two-bit had gotten his sense of humor. Yet tonight there was no trace of humor in her eyes.

"Diana!" I heard her say in shock as she flung the door open wide. "What happened to you?" She knelt down in front of me and put her hands out as if afraid to touch me.

"I..." Was all I could say before I broke down in sobs. I just needed help. I needed someone. I watched her feet depart quickly down the hallway and I closed my eyes trying to bite back the pain.

_She was running away. They all leave eventually..._

Suddenly I felt two strong arms wrap around me and lift me up in to the air. I was too weak to pay much attention to pain anymore. Whoever it was carried me inside and placed me gently on the couch, were I quickly fell into an uneasy unconsciousness.


	10. The Morning After

**The Morning After**

I woke the next morning with the bright glare of sunshine in my eyes. I sat up and looked around the room in an attempt to gain some reassurance that I was still alive. Then as I laid eyes on Two-bits sleeping form in a brown chair against the far wall, everything about the night before came flooding back to me with force.

All of the ugly, gruesome details slammed in to me with a strength that I did not anticipate. I laid back down on the couch with a groan and tried to stop my body from trembling. Every emotion ran through my mind before I calmed myself. Each movement felt like daggers being dug under my nails. Yet the worst pain of all was humiliation. I knew that I couldn't be there when Two-bit awoke. I couldn't bare to see the look of pity or confusion in his eyes.

_What would he say?_

How could I possibly describe my behavior yesterday in a way that would make amends for my actions. There was none. My lack of honesty had caused Sodapop to get in to a physical confrontation with boys he didn't even know. Then I had run out on him in a jealous rage instead of apologizing for my lack of faith in our friendship and I found myself showing up half dead on the doorstep of a man I barely knew. I was terrified to think of what had happened but I was even more terrified to face him, or anyone at that moment.

I pulled myself up quickly in to a sitting position, each broken rib screaming in protest and then I got to my feet. That was the easy part. I took a step towards the door just to realize that I couldn't walk. Stiff and sore to the bone, it was as if I had lost all control of my knees and found myself falling to the floor. My elbows hit with a loud thump upon the coffee table and knocked over a stack of newspapers from the previous week. I swore loudly and watched as they scattered to the ground to rest in a mess around my legs.

I took this time to study myself. I realized that I was not wearing the same clothing that I had been the previous night. I was in a pair of large faded blue jeans and a T-shirt that could have fit two of me inside. I began to smell a faint sent of mens cologne and alcohol, I knew right away that it belonged to Two-bit. My cuts were washed and there were bandages on my right leg, both arms and my head. I didn't have time to consider who had changed my clothing, when I heard someone moving to my right.

I looked up quickly and there I found Twobit who was no longer asleep but staring at me with keen eyes. His face was completely void of expression. Unable to meet his penetrating gaze, I looked at the ground instead, picking at a fuzz on the carpet. Refusing to cry, even though I was filled with a guilt so unbearable that I could hardly stand myself.

It was hard enough to try and fit in with a group of boys who had spent their entire lives going through what I had only just begun to experience. Yet to cry in front of any of them would be to show weakness, which was something that I just couldn't bring myself to do. I was stubborn. I was strong and yet the wall that I had put up around my soul was slowly crumbling. One day I would be incapable of stopping it.

I kept reassuring myself over and over again in my mind that what had happened had not been my fault and yet I couldn't help but think of how stupid I had been. I knew that this time my pride had been the cause of my downfall. It did not surprise me of course. I knew that this would happen one day. However the knowledge does little to prepare you for when it arrives.

I had been warned to never walk around alone at night. Of course I had not done it on purpose and yet I ignored the warnings. I had taken the punishment for it. I just couldn't take the humiliation, it was worse than the pain and I refused to stay there any longer. So I tried once again to stand up but it was no use. I was just too weak. Two-bit shook his head and then stood from his chair and came walking over to me. He knelt down and lifted me in to the air. However, instead of helping me stand he placed me back on the sofa and took his seat in the chair across from me once again.

So there we were, having a staring contest like we used to. Except this time it wasn't about who could go the longest without blinking, but who would break the silence first. It was Two-bit who lost. I prepared myself for his lecture.

"Are you all right?" Two-bit asked and his eyes softened.

"No," was all I could say. What was the point in lying now? "But I'm as alright as I'm gonna get I suppose."

Two-bit nodded his head in understanding. There was a long silence and then he spoke again. I knew what was coming next. He looked at the bruises on my arms and face.

"Who did it?" He asked with venom in his voice. It was short but to the point. He didn't even have to ask what happened. Living in this town, you just knew that it wouldn't be anything good. Yet I knew that he was assuming the worst.

"It's not what you think. I was so stupid..." I replied as my voice began to quiver. Yet I forced myself to be still and I repeated the night in full detail as he sat and listened intently. When I finished he shook his head.

"You need to go to the hospital."

I wasn't used to seeing Two-bit this serious. It frightened me. Suddenly Mrs. Matthews came walking in to the room. She had a long red skirt on and it swished in the air as she rushed over to my side.

"Oh honey! You're finally awake. I was worried sick that you had a concussion when you just dropped down on our doorstep last night," she exclaimed as she felt my forehead. "How are you feeling? Do you need any medicine? I should really change those bandages..."

"She's fine, you don't need to suffocate her." Two-bit said in my defense.

"All right, but I'll be in the kitchen if you need me and make sure you come and get me when the police arrive."

At the word police I shot up straight and spoke up quickly.

"What police?" I asked, panic spitting from my mouth.

"Well you didn't think I was going to let whoever did this to you, get away with it...did you?" With that she left the room. I quickly turned to Two-bit with desperation written on my face.

"Please Two-bit, I don't want to cops to get involved. If they find out that I haven't been attending school or what's been happening with my father it'll be a bad business for sure. Ya dig?" Twobit looked unsure but I knew that he understood. You got things real good when you grew up like he did.

"Ya I dig okay doll, but we can't stay here. I needed to call the gang anyway. They were worried sick ever since ya split and they heard what happened. I'm sure Darry wouldn't mind picking us up before he goes to work."

"They were worried about me?" I asked shocked. Twobit gave me a funny look and then cocked an eyebrow.

"You're a strange kid ya know that? You think we don't give a hang about you just because you an ol' Sodapop went at it again? I ain't gonna lie, Stevie don't care for ya none. But i'm sure you already know that by now. Dal and you don't seem to get along too swell either. But Dally don't like no one. So that's no surprise there," he laughed. "But the rest of us...well from what we know...we think you're a pretty alright gal. Well for a soc that is," He said in a matter of fact tone.

"So he told you we had a fight?" I asked with a sigh.

"Yeah, but I don't remember what it's about and I don't think he does either. Come on now, we have to beat it quick."

Two-bit went into the kitchen and I couldn't make out what he was saying on the phone or who he was speaking to on the other end. My mind was reeling and I could barely keep one thought straight. Soon he came back into the living room and handed me a beat up leather jacket. "Darry will be here soon! Put this on its cold outside." He said as his big brotherly instincts kicked in.

I watched as he rushed around the room, gathering up my stuff and then he began helping me put my shoes on as I sat like an invalid on the sofa. I looked down at him, as he knelt to tie my shoes and smiled."Thanks a lot Two-bit. You're a good pal," I said.

"Sure thang, sweet thang. Now don't go getting all sappy on me now. I don't want Soda beating my head in," He replied laughing. I couldn't help but laugh along with him.

"Of course not! What do you take me for, some kind of girl!"

Two-bit stood up and looked me up and down closely with a scrutinizing gaze."Nope definitely not a girl!"

I huffed in exaggeration and smacked him in the arm. Suddenly from outside came the familiar beep of Darry's old truck. Two-bit put his arm around my back, with mine around his shoulders and helped me stand on my feet. I limped my way to the front door and froze for a moment. I was scared. I knew that deep down I had to get over that stupid fear that I had. It was the small piece inside of me that worried too much about what other people thought.

I placed iron bars around my heart, that held me tied down to insecurity. That stopped me from being myself, from allowing myself to be free. I had to untie the chains and break out from the gilded cage that I had resided in for years. It may mean that I would fall down and humiliate myself at times. Yet that was a part of living, of surviving and growing.

We stepped outside and I inched my way down the porch steps. I stopped short as I caught site of a pile of dried blood on the pathway... my blood. Two-bit seen what I had been looking at and turned me to face him. His hands firmly on my shoulders. "Are you sure you're okay? Darry could take you to the hospital if you're not feeling well," He asked. I completely ignored his question. My eyes were hazy and far away, remembering a moment I wished to forget.

"I was really messed up last night, wasn't I Two-bit?" I asked not taking my eyes off of the red blotch on the cement. I knew the answer. I shouldn't be alive and yet I was standing there.

"Yeah doll...you were. But don't think about that right now. We just need to get you out of here before the fuz show their ugly mugs."

With that, he continued to lead me forward. I peeled my eyes away from the pavement and looked up at the white vehicle that sat humming against the edge of the sidewalk, as if it were calling to us. Darry was staring at me strangely through the drivers side window. He had a mix between sympathy and shock clearly present on his face. I still must have looked a wreck, with all these bandages and bruises. I hadn't looked at myself in the mirror yet and I didn't want to.

Two-bit picked me up and sat me in the passenger side of truck next to Darry, then he climbed in beside me. I was thankful as we drove in silence. We soon arrived at the house and this time Darry helped me down, still not saying a word. He had become good at guessing when I wasn't in the mood to talk.

We gradually made our way to the porch and up to the front door. That was when my nerves began to kick in high gear. I would finally have to face Sodapop. I had completely made a fool of myself the other night and I was terrified of his reaction. I had acted so strong and really deep within me lurked the heart of a coward.

All my questions would soon answered as Darry turned the brass handle to the door and we walked inside. I had no idea that I was about to come face to face with the last thing that I had expected to see...


	11. Silver Lining

**Silver Lining**

Sometimes things happen in your life that you do not expect. Especially when you're at your weakest and it all seems to hit you at once like an avalanche. Well let me tell you, the last thing that I had expected to see when I entered the Curtis house, was Sodapop sitting in the chair with Sandy on his lap.

He didn't notice us as we entered at first. They seemed to be having some kind of argument and he jumped to his feet. She fell to the floor in a very unflattering manner, as her skirt flew up over her knees and Two-Bit snorted behind us. That was when he saw us. "Sandy...I told you..." it took him a moment to notice me at first and when he did his eyes grew wide. "...Diana?" He couldn't take his eyes off of me and his face contorted in what looked to be a pained expression as he studied ever visible bruise on my body.

"Soda I can't believe you just..." Sandy never got to finish.

"Stop it Sandy! Just stop it!" Sodapop turned on her and was yelling now. We all just stood there in shock. I knew that he had a temper, it was just rare to see. "This is what you wanted wasn't it? For her to see? Just get out of my house!" He pointed at the door with force.

I couldn't help but feel sympathy for her, as she knelt there on the floor with tears in her blue eyes. When you're sixteen years old, heartbreak is devastating. It feels as if your entire world shatters or maybe that's a feeling that never goes away.

Suddenly as I looked down at her, I realized that we were the same, her and I. Well at least we wanted the same thing. I couldn't blame her for that. She saw what I saw in Sodapop and if I were her, I wouldn't have stopped fighting either.

She was very graceful as she stood. I admired her at that moment. The way she handled heartbreak. Yet I could see the pain in her eyes. She didn't speak a word as she walked past me and through the door in to the cool morning air. I wonder what she was thinking. I wondered if she hurt as bad as me.

I bet she did.

"Are you alright," Darry asked, turning to me. I just looked up at him and nodded my head, to signify that I was fine. "I don't believe you," he replied and I smiled. He was smart.

"Don't worry about me, I'm tough."

Two-bit laughed, "Sure...just as tough as that stuffed toy dog that Darry sleeps with every night to keep him company."

Darry leaned around me and aimed to hit Two-bit square in the face, but he wasn't quick enough and just caught him by the shoulder. This quick movement, knocked me off balance and the boys stopped acting up as they steadied me and I regained my footing.

I looked up and all I could see was the one boy who consumed my every thought. It was unhealthy. I knew that. I should have made him a part of my world...not my whole word.

Soda just stood there starring at me, silent. I couldn't take the hurt that I saw in his eyes. It killed me. I removed my arms from around Darry's shoulders and I walked over to stand in front of Sodapop. The guys must have gotten a hint, because they departed the room quickly. I didn't know where they went. Yet the moment I looked back, they were gone.

I stood in front of Soda quietly and then tilted my head to the side and smiled up at him. "Hi," I said softly, barely above a whisper.

He smiled back down at me and lifted his hands up as if he was going to place them on my shoulders, but just held them in the air above me for a few moments and put them down.

I was fragile. He was scared to hurt me. "Hi," he replied with a smile back.

"I know I looked terrible," I said looking down at the ground. Insecurity beginning to take it's root.

He just leaned in slowly and whispered in my ear, "You are beautiful." I felt a shiver run up my spine as his warm breath blew softly against my neck. He pulled away and began to lead me to the couch. "Sit down."

I did as he demanded. There was no fight left in me. I was honestly too weak to protest. I didn't know if I could take standing much longer. "Thank you Soda."

He frowned and his brow creased as he watched me struggle to bend and find a smooth passage to a sitting position with the least amount of pain possible.

My ribs were beginning to burn. I felt as if I had a small fire growing in the pit of my stomach. Each breath only seemed to ignite the fire farther.

The true amount of sincerity and compassion that remained ever present in his countenance was incredible. He refused to hold a grudge. He acted as if our confrontation the previous night had been non existent. It had never happened.

"Why are you so wonderful?" I thought to myself and then realized that I had actually whispered it out loud. I looked away and my face burned with embarrassment.

I was thankful that he didn't comment. He just knelt there looking me over carefully. He reached out his hand and traced the bruises on my arms with his fingertips and swore to himself.

"I think you should go to the hospital," he said decidedly.

I agreed and yet I knew that I couldn't. "I can't Soda. The hospital will call my father and he wouldn't be happy about all of this. He wouldn't help me."

Soda bit on his lower lip. "You can't just sit here like this. There could be something seriously wrong."

I nodded my head as another sharp pain reverberated up my spine. I wanted to cry out in pain, but I refrained. He would take me to the hospital for sure if he knew how bad I was hurting. I had to fight it somehow. I just didn't know for how much longer. "I'll be alright Soda. I promise. I'll let you know if I think something serious is wrong."

I hated that I had to lie to him like that. I just couldn't bare to see my fathers reaction if he found out that he had to pay medical bills. I was the only one in town who knew that he had lost his company. The bank had foreclosed on the property because of back taxes. I had found the letter in a drawer in the hallway the day before, when I was searching for a lighter. It was only a matter of time before we lost everything. I knew that I had to find a way to survive and make it on my own.

"Are you hungry?" Soda asked and I just shook my head. I felt sick and didn't think that I'd be able to hold anything down.

I just sat there thinking about every person that I had previously known and all of my new acquaintances. The last thing that I had expected was to find compassion in the heart of a greaser. I had expected them to be cold and unfeeling. Well some of them still were. Like Dallas Winston or even Steve. There was a bitterness to their existence that stopped them from seeing reason. Yet there were also people like the Curtis brothers who were tough to the core but radiated love in every form to whoever was in need.

"Why does Darry help me? I have never done anything for him," I asked Sodapop. He opened his mouth to give and answer.

"Because he's superman, it's his job to save people," Two-bit yelled from the kitchen.

"Stay out of this Two-bit," Soda hollered.

I huffed, "So much for privacy."

At that moment Ponyboy came walking in to the room with a young female friend of his from school. They were working on a science project together. "You actually expect privacy in this house?"

"Hey, what are you doing home?" I asked.

"We have off of school today, one of the science labs caught on fire."

Twobit came walking out from the kitchen with a beer in one hand and chocolate cake in the other.

"Nice breakfast you got there Twobit," I said sarcastically. It was no surprise, in the Curtis household breakfast normally consisted of either eggs or chocolate cake.

"Yep," he replied with a full mouth as he turned on the television.

Darry walked out from the bathroom fully clothed and shaved. He wore a white t-shirt that he tucked in to his faded blue jeans. Around his waste hung a tan tool belt.

"All right, I'm off to work. Ponyboy, Sodapop will be home at eight so I don't want you leaving the house until he comes back, ya hear. O' and Diana...I suggest you do the same. However, I doubt you could get anywhere anyway," Darry said with a smirk. When both me and Pony made a noise of protest. Darry turned stern, "I mean it!"

Both Soda and Darry left for work. I was left with Pony. Twobit departed to go hang out with some buddies of his and Pony's friend wasn't allowed in the house while nobody was home so her mother came to pick her up.

"What book are you reading?" I asked Ponyboy and he turned to smile at me.

"To Kill a Mockingbird. It's for an English assignment," He replied.

"That's a good one," I said.

For hours we sat there and talked about everything that we could come up with to pass the time. From books to school, and just plain life. One thing I could truly say about Ponyboy Curtis is that he was unlike any greaser that I had ever known. He saw life through a different set of eyes. Pony was one of the few people who I could actually have intelligent conversations with.

Its funny that I can't say that I was sorry that he was born on the wrong side of the tracks. I think that it had made him smarter and a stronger person. I knew that he was going to go somewhere in life, I would have bet all I had on it.

The time flew by and before we knew it, eight o'clock rolled around. Ponyboy and I were setting up an extreme trail of dominoes around the living room when the door flew open. I watched as the dominoes fell perfectly to the floor. I looked up with a smirk of triumph and saw Sodapop standing in the doorway.

The sun was setting in the background across the city and an orange glow cascaded down around him. He was beautiful.

"Will you help me out onto the porch Sodapop?" i asked.

Soda nodded his head as he walked over and lifted me up to carry me outside. "Well I didn't mean you had to carry me."

"Well I figured I'd be a gentleman," he laughed. Then leaned in next to my ear and whispered, "Or I just wanted to hold you against me."

"Oh really? Well in that case I won't complain. You can carry me anytime."

"So what are we doing out here anyway?" he asked, sitting me down and wrapping me with his jacket as we leaned against the porch railing. I just starred out across the landscape that laid out before me.

"I promised Ponyboy that I would watch a sunset," That was all that I had needed to say. Both of us just stood there as still as statues looking up at the sky.  
It was one of the most amazing things I ever seen. As I studied every color as they illuminating the sky with a fiery glow. I turned to Sodapop and when I went to speak again, he stopped me with a finger against my lips.

"Don't apologize again, what happened was not your fault. I shouldn't have been so inconsiderate and made you upset like that," his eyes burned with hatred for himself. "I was just hurt is all and I wanted to hurt you too. That's no excuse though."

"How did you know that I was going to apologize?" i asked.

"You get that guilty look in your eyes," Soda answered.

"I just don't want you to blame this on yourself Sodapop Curtis. If I hadn't been so immature none of this would have happened in the first place. I was just so scared to tell you."

"Why?"

I began pacing as best as I could walk, up and down the porch. "I was so scared you'd go away if I told you. You're the only one I have left."

He sighed, "I shouldn't have invited Sandy over." At the mention of her name, I looked at the ground once again. "I just did it to make you jealous."

"Is she your girlfriend?" I finally asked the question that had been been eating me alive inside.

Soda stepped closer to me and he leaned down so that our noses were practically touching. I looked up and before I knew what was happening, our lips pressed softly against the others. He had one arm wrapped around my waste and the other was twisted in my hair as he pulled my face closer to his.

It was soft and sweet like something you see out of a movie. I could no longer feel the cold wind hitting against my exposed skin, all I could feel was his arms around me. It lasted only a brief moment but it remained engrained in my mind forever. When we stopped I leaned my head on his shoulder, still in his arms.

I was suddenly feeling very weak, not yet comprehending what had just happened. I took a deep breath and smiled. Soda leaned his head towards mine and said softly, "Now does that answer your question?"


	12. For Better Or Worse

For Better Or Worse

Three days had passed by and I remained with Sodapop the entire time. Each day was different and yet each day was exactly the same. I did not realize that with the passing of time, also came the passing away of my old self. I was new. I was changed and whether that was for better or for worse, we soon would find out.

"Don't you think you should call and let your parents know where you are?" Darry asked one night as he sat scrubbing the mud and plaster off of his work boots.

"Nope, it's not like my old man would notice that I was gone anyway. He's probably enjoying the alone time," i spat out.

Darry never asked again.

With each passing day, I grew restless. I didn't know what for exactly and yet it was stirring the uneasy feeling that something big was about to happen. Like being on the edge of a storm. You could feel the power in the wind and yet you didn't know what was coming until it hit you straight on.

Saturday morning I was laying on my back upon the floor and tossing a baseball in the air. I didn't know how much longer I could take being confined in one place. I was a restless spirit. I enjoyed excitement, new experiences and living. What I was doing wasn't living, it was just passing time.

My wounds were healing slowly and yet I knew that deep internal damage was still lingering. Each time I took a deep breath, it felt more and more difficult to fill my lungs. Sometimes it was hard for me to even stand for longer than five minutes at at time.

I didn't know if I had been doing a good job of pretending or if the guys just preferred not to question me. Either way, they had yet to insist on me going to the hospital again. I was thankful for this. Yet with each stabbing pain in my chest, it was accompanied by the growing of an even more painful fear.

Ponyboy was in the shower, and I could hear the water running and hitting against the bottom of the bathtub. Both of the older brothers were at work like usual. I had told Soda that I was going to walk in to town that day and go shopping for some new clothes. Soda told me that it was too dangerous, that I didn't look well and he didn't want me leaving. I knew he would be angry if I didn't listen so I was once again confined inside like an invalid.

I desperately wanted to feel like a woman again. A young beautiful woman that could turn heads no matter where she went. I knew there was so much more to life than shallow meaningless fancies and yet it still felt good to be desired. Even though the only man whose desire I desired, was already mine.

I was down to two outfits and a few of the boys old t-shirts that they never wore anymore. Darry was kind enough to do my laundry with Soda's. I yelled at him about this, but he just waved me away with a grunt.

I pulled myself up off of the floor with assistance from the couch and hobbled out on the the front porch. I needed some fresh air. I looked out on to the street and was surprised when I saw a familiar dark haired greaser walking down the far sidewalk.

"Hey Johnny Cade, where are you off to?" i yelled.

The young boy looked up and smiled, waving in my direction. He was such a sweetheart. He didn't speak much and I didn't know him as well as the others. Yet it wasn't hard to tell the quality of a persons heart. You just look in to their eyes.

"Hey Valentine, I'm just going to hunt for the football in the lot to practice some kicks," he replied.

"Good deal, would you mind some company?" i asked. "I can't take being cooped up in this joint for much longer."

"Sure," he said with a shrug of his shoulders.

I smiled and saw freedom right before my eyes._ How could Soda be mad if I was with one of the boys? What could be so dangerious about that?_ At least that is what I tried to convince myself as I stumbled inside and walked over the closed bathroom door.

I yelled in to Ponyboy that I was going out and would be back soon. Before he could answer or open the door, I walked out on to the porch and over to where Johnny was leaning against the fence smoking a cigarette.

"Did anyone ever tell you that smoking is bad for you?"

The boy just shrugged his shoulders.  
Johnny and I walked slowly to the vacant lot. We were in no hurry, just trying to enjoy the moment of peace between chaos. As we sauntered in silence down the sidewalk, I couldn't help but wonder what kind of man he would become. Well loved and social, that was for sure.

Johnny was a follower, never a leader like the others. He was more like Ponyboy in that sense. Johnny didn't have the charisma or the dominate spirit that it took to control a crowd. I think that was the way he preferred it though. He always walked a few steps behind & yet never in the shadows of another, he had his own way. It was the right way for him. There was something about Johnny Cade that drew you in. You couldn't know the boy, without caring for him.

When I had first been told about Johnnys home life, it was hard to believe. I couldn't imagine someone wishing harm upon him in any way. I thought back to the night a few days before when he had came walking in to Sodas house with a bloody lip and a cut on his arm from a beer bottle. Golly I felt sick to my stomach and spent hours contemplating in my mind, the different ways to give his mother a matching one or worse. Yet I knew that I never could.

He wasn't like the others, he was tough but vulnerable. By the strong look on Johnnys face, you'd never know the pain of rejection that he felt inside, the kind of hurt that was deeper than physical. Yet it was there. We all knew that it was.

I could not grasp how someone could harm the child they create. He came from her body, molded and formed inside of her. He was given life to by the same women who would have no sympathy if that life was taken away. The seed of innocence that lurks within every child was never allowed to to take root in Johnnys life. It had landed on rocky soil and was blown away by the first strong storm.

The loss of innocence was one if the most heart wrenching tragedies in life, one that I believe no excuse our retribution could ever make amends for.

Sure, my father had knocked me around good and yet I had spent years in the arms of a loving mother who adored me. Soda, Darry and Ponyboy had lost both their parents in one tragic day and yet they had been allowed a brief moment in time to feel what life would be like without responsibility. They knew what it felt like to be a kid.

They had been allowed to dream, to play and to imagine a future that was not defined by circumstance, but by the desires of their heart. It was cut short and yet, it had existed. It had given them hope and a heart that could beat with blood instead of ice.

If you have never known love, you turn out one of two ways. You are either cold like Dallas or broken like Johnny. Neither are an envious option for prosperity. We all saw potential in the youngest of the two and loved him as much as we possibly could, in hopes to undo the damage. Even Dally, who never loved anything in his life.

Johnny and I had finally reached the lot when my daydreams came to an end. He had walked over to a space behind a rusted and decaying frame of an old Ford, to search for the football and I walked a long the outer edge of the large wooden fence. It towered a good four inches above my head. I was kicking dust to pass the time when I heard footsteps on the other side. A few male voices rang through the air and one sounded vaguely familiar and yet I couldn't place who it had belonged to. I walked to the edge and peaked my head around the corner to see.

What I saw surprised me and yet I did not think anything of it at first. Sauntering down the sidewalk were two west side boys. I knew their faces well. I had spent most of my time in their circle in high school. I automatically recognized Bob Sheldon, wearing his red and white letter-man jacket. He was the popular jock who dated Cherry Valence. It was as if he had heard me recall his name in my head and looked up quickly. His eyes caught mine and for a moment he stopped walking.

I saw Bob smirk and then whisper something to the boy on his left who looked in my direction as well.

Bob took a step forward and then yelled, "hey traitor, why don't you come here and say hello!"

I could swear that my heart stopped beating and I froze in place, unable to move or to think. That was when I had realized that they were far from their side of town and they must have been looking for trouble. There was no other alternative to their presence.

The sound of Johnny moving cardboard behind me, startled me back in to reality again. I swung around and ran as quickly as I could towards Johnny. He looked startled as I smashed in to his side and we both hit the ground hard, rolling behind the car. Dirt and gravel dug into my palms. Johnny swore and then looked over at me with those wide black eyes if his. Like a dear with a spot light shining on him. Johnny went to speak and I quickly covered his mouth with my hands and shook my head.

Yet my panic stricken face did little to keep him silent. "What was that all about?" he grumbled, rubbing his elbow as he stood up and began to dust the dirt off his faded blue jeans. They were one of the only pairs he owned.

As I opened my mouth to tell him to sit back down, another voice rang through the air and I cringed. I shut my trap quick and closed my eyes. "Well well, look what we have here boys. Hey grease!" Bob yelled and I could hear his footsteps slowly growing closer.

I was still crouched down behind the Ford. I looked up at Johnny and he continued to stare ahead, his brow was creased and he never looked down at me.

I almost wanted to reach out and grab on to his pant leg as Johnny took one step away from me and closer in their direction. Panic hit me hard. Don't go closer! I screamed in my head. Then I looked around and that was when I had realized that it was his only means of escape. We were cornered by the fence and his only way to safety was straight through to the other side.

I swallowed slowly and closed my eyes. Beads of sweat trickled down into my eye and I wiped then away quickly. For the first time in months, I began to pray. I asked God to protect us and to have everything smooth over without a fight.

"Come on over here, we have something we want to show you," Spoke a young boy named Sammy Hannigon, with a heavy southern drawl. He had moved to Tulsa only a year ago from Texas where he had lived his entire life. I remember the day he had first came to town. He was quiet and shy until he had met up with Brad. What was he doing here? This wasn't his fight. He had told me before at a beer blast that in the town where he had come from, there was no such thing as greasers and socs.

Johnny didn't speak but took a few steps closer to the awaiting men. I almost yelped in fear. What was he doing! He still refused to look or speak to me.

Suddenly I understood.

The socs didn't know that I was laying there hiding. Johnny was leading them away from me. He was protecting me. The agony and guilt inside of me made me sick.

Before I had time to think about what would happen, I heard footsteps and then the loud crack of skin on skin. Johnny whimpered as his nose shattered. I could hear a sickening crunch as the bones snapped. Bile rose in my throat and thought I was going to be sick. I leaned my head around the car to see what was happening. To this day, I still wish that I hadn't.

Johnny managed to crawl to his knees and stand to his feet, with blood pouring down his face and covering his mouth. He spit it out in their direction and then ran as fast as he could around their waiting figures and across the lot towards the sidewalk. But they were quicker, more athletic and in better health. A dark haired boy named charlie stretched out his hands and grabbed the back of Johnnys jacket. Johnny twisted free from their grasp. His left arm came free from the sleeve but the other was caught and he was flung to the ground hard. A blonde tough looking soc found it amusing to grab Johnny by the hair and drag him back across the lot in my direction. His cry rang out and cut in to me like knives.

I wanted to scream, to run and get help or to stand and fight, but I sat there frozen in fear. I knew that if I showed myself they would take care of me good. Not only was I a witness, I could identify them each by name. Ya, they would take care of me real good. I also knew that in my weak state I would be of no assistance.

They drug Johnny to the far back corner of the lot, almost parallel to my hiding place. Yet they were to busy, breaking his ribs to notice my presence. Bob climbed on top of johnny and pinned his arms to the ground while the other three boys secured him. Johnny was so small, so innocent and the world was cruel. He did not deserve this, nobody did. But especially not Johnny.

The sound of Bobs knuckles each time they came in contact with Johnnys fragile body was excruciating to even be heard. With each hit, it felt as if they hit me too. I could hear their rueful laughs as Bobs rings tore layers of skin off Johnnys cheek. I turned away quickly with tears rolling down my cheeks.

This was a tragedy. How could they not see it? Why wouldn't they stop. I cowered with my head pressed deep into the dirt and the tears turning it to mud upon my cheeks. Yet closing my eyes did little to block out the sound. I still could hear as they threatened his life and everything that he held dear. With a shiny silver blade pressed to his throat that was trembling with silent sobs,  
they used their mouths to kill everything that was left of his courage.

Suddenly a piercing scream ripped through the air as Bobs blade slipped and slashed a shallow cut along the side of Johnnys collar bone. His scream unnerved the other three boys who seemed to have had enough. This had been meant for kicks, they weren't itchin to kill the kid.

"Lets beat it quick before the cops show!" One of the boys yelled nervously, speaking what the others only dared to think.

Yes, I thought. Leave him alone...

just leave.


	13. Breaking Point

**Breaking Point**

It was the same silence that engulfs a room at a funeral. The kind of silence that sucks out all noise as if in a vacuum. You want to speak, to do something to upset the excruciating suffocation. Yet you never do, because it feels inappropriate. That was the kind of silence that fell on the earth after the footsteps of the departing boys died away.

I was laying there in the mud, tears and dirt covered my face. I couldn't move. I was too scared to do much of anything. I could hear Johnny groan and I bit my lip.

My body went ice cold as I suddenly hear footsteps running back in our direction. I coward back in to my hiding place as the footsteps got closer. I was sure that those boys had returned to finish what they had started. I cowered in fear behind the truck.

Why wouldn't I fight?

I was worthless.

Suddenly the most beautiful sound that I had ever heard, went ringing through the air.

It was Sodapop, Steve and Ponyboy. They swore as they saw their friend, battered and broken upon the ground. I began to shake and a cold sweat pored down my face. I brought my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around them. Just listening to Soda's voice. I could hear Johnny crying now and telling them what had happened. Soda was trying to comfort him as best as he knew how. He was softer than the other guys. Soda was used to taking care of Ponyboy. Yet none of the gang was ever very good at emotional situations. They were tough, they didn't cry or talk about their feelings. It was no secret that Johnny got knocked around by his dad all the time at home. Yet this was different.

That was why it was even more of a shock to see poor Johnny breaking down. There had never been a moment in my life where I had ever been more confused about my emotions. I was angry at what they had done to Johnny, shocked that they had been people I had known since childhood, worthless for doing nothing and confused all at once. Yet most of all, I was scared. Scared of what I had seen, scared of what I had heard and scared of what kind of person I would be from that day forward. For most of my life I had lived in shelter. I had been hidden from the true tragedies of life. Two months before, I had never been even seen a fight in person. I had heard about them of course. All of the male socs loved to brag about the last kid that they jumped. They laughed as if it was some kind of joke to them.

I wonder if they would be laughing if it were their little brothers being jumped and left for dead in dirt lots.

It wasn't until I heard my name, that I looked up.

"Valentine..." Johnny said. He was barely able to get the words out, but he pointed over in my direction and then passed out cold.

Nobody spoke for a second and then before I had time to think, Sodapop was kneeling down, looking me in the eyes. "Are you alright?"

He didn't sound panicked, so I guess he could tell that I hadn't been harmed. I nodded my head. I wanted to start sobbing. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and to tell me that life wasn't as bad as it seemed. Yet I knew that they had more important things to worry about. This wasn't about me. It was about Johnny.

Soda whispered as he got closer to me. "How about we talk about this later?" He could always read my mind. I tilted my head up and gave him a weak smile. He smiled softly in return, his face still construed in concern.

"Don't worry about it," I said and he grabbed my arm and lifted me to my feet.

"Your shaking," Soda stated as he went to lead me over to the rest of the group who looked up at me from their possession over Johnny.

Just then I realized that by now the entire gang was there. I hadn't heard Dally, Darry or Two-bit arrive. Yet they were standing there just as pale faced and shocked as the others.

I stopped and starred at Johnny laying there like a limp pile in Darry's arms. I felt a knot in my stomach churn and I quickly looked away. Soda had seen where I had been looking and gave my arm a reassuring squeeze. I had grown over the past two months to care about Johnny as a little brother. I couldn't bare to see him like that.

He was barely recognizable as he laid there bleeding profusely. All I could see was his face when I closed my eyes and the sound of him screaming were left ringing in my ears. Everything after that moment seemed to be in slow motion.

Darry gentle lifted Johnny off of the ground and we walked with him over to Dallys car that had been parked a little bit across the lot. I would be going with Soda and Twobit back to the Curtis house to get the truck since we wouldn't all be able to fit in the car. Darry, Dally and Ponyboy would ride with Johnny to the hospital. I shook my head and agreed with him. I watched as Dally drove away down the street, fading in to the distance.

It didn't take us long to get back to the Curtis house. We quickly jumped in to the truck, I sat next to Sodapop. He was a horrible driver, but that didn't matter now. As long as we got to the hospital as soon as possible. I sighed and shook away the thoughts. The fact that my mother had died in that very same hospital had passed completely out of my mind. Only when we walked into the actual building did it come back to me.

Soda walked quickly up to the front desk where a lady was sitting sternly in white scrubs. He asked were Johnny Cade was staying and she told us 3rd floor second room on the right. The elevator was under construction so we had to climb the stairs or take the elevator at the far end of the hospital. We opted on the stairs. When we finally reached the 3rd floor we could see Darry standing outside talking to a doctor. We ran up to meet them and when the doctor left Soda bombarded Darry with questions.

"Is he alright? What's wrong? What did the doctor say?" Darry held up his hand to stop Soda from continuing.

"Johnny is in stable condition, but he still hasn't woke up. He has a few fractured ribs and they think some internal bleeding. To stop the bleeding they need to operate immediately but they are afraid that he may fall into a coma during the surgery because of loss of blood." I looked over at Twobit and his face was as pale as a ghost. I probably looked just as bad, or worse.

"But he'll be alright won't he?" Soda asked his voice low and hard to hear.

"I hope so little buddy," Darry said as he ruffled his brothers hair and walked in to the room.

Twobit followed behind and Soda held my arm. Yet as we passed by the door I caught sight of the room number posted in gold letters on a sign to the left. My feet stopped and my heart leaped in my chest.

Emergency Care Room number: 314

It had been the same exact room where my mother had died. I grew dizzy and wobbled on my feet. Soda's eyes went wide as he grabbed me around the waste. I sat down quickly in a chair against the wall in the hallway. I couldn't go in there. It brought back too many unwanted memories of the last time that I had ever seen my mother smile...or what was left of her. She died holding my hand in her own.

Soda walked over to me and sat down. "What's wrong?" he asked as he laid a hand on my own. It was trembling as I gripped the wooden arm rest.

I didn't know whether I should tell him or not, but I didn't see why it would benefit to keep it a secret. Soda would figure it out sooner or later, he always does.

"My mother died in that same room," I whispered and took a deep breath to refrain from crying. Soda looked down at me understandingly.

"You don't have to come in. I could imagine this is hard for you. Just do what you feel is best," He leaned over and kissed me softly on the forehead as he pushed my hair back from my face. He didn't care that my face was covered in dirt. Then he stood up and walked in to the room.

I wonder if he would tell the other guys. I guess it didn't really matter anyway. They already thought I was a coward. There was no hiding that now.

I must have sat there for a half an hour at the last before a doctor showed up. Darry once again came out in to the hallway. I knew that he wished to keep as much of the information hidden from Ponyboy until there was no other choice but to tell him. Pony had suffered so much loss in his short life and to lose his best friend only months after losing his parents, might just be his breaking point.

"There has been no change in his stats. It would be in the best interest of the patient to go forth with the surgery. Do you know how to get in contact with the childs parents?" The doctor asked.

Darry shook his head and said, "He don't got none."

The doctor talked about Johnny as if he wasn't even a human being. I knew that there was a chance that Johnny would die and he acted as if it didn't matter. It was just another assignment in his job description.

Darry nodded his head and turned to look at me. He seemed to be even more weary and tired than he normally was. I didn't say anything but he understood. I knew that I couldn't sit outside forever. This could be the last time for any of us to see Johnny before he was rushed in to a surgery that he may not come out of.

I stood up slowly and limped over to the door. My legs were hurting worse than ever and my arm was throbbing in pain. I reached up and pushed the door open. The breath caught in my throat as I looked in to the room. Everything was so white and clean that it almost made me dizzy. The sheets on the bed, the pillows and chairs. Even the walls and floor were painted white. The same as I had remembered it in my nightmares. Then there was Johnny laying on the bed beneath the covers. His skin was pale and I knew that it was from loss of blood. His hair looked even darker than normal, contrasted to its cloudy background.

Sitting around the bed in multiple chairs was the gang of boys that I had just begun to get to know and yet had grown to love dearly. Each face was sullen and forlorn. Even two-bit wasn't cracking his jokes like normal. I walked forward and sat down in a chair next to the bed. I looked up at Johnny and held back the pan. I just couldn't bring myself to cry anymore. There was nothing left inside of me.

I could feel myself disintegrating from within. I didn't think that I could handle losing another person dear to me. Not like that. It would be the same thing as killing some of the last bit of hope that I had left to keep me moving forward.

I looked around at the boys sitting beside me. Johnny means so much to the gang. He was the pet. Always loyal, always loving, always there to defend you when you need it. Then I came across Winston, the baddest hood of them all and I knew that if anything Johnny needed to stay alive just for him. Johnny was the only thing in the world that Dally actually cared about. I could see it in his eyes. Maybe nobody else could.

But it was there.

He cared about that kid and didn't want to see Johnny throw away his life like he had. If he died Dally would break. I looked up at Johnny and took his hand in my own.

Johnny please...don't die on them now.


	14. Released

**Release**

It was a constant cycle, day in and day out. It never changed. It never got any better and it never got any worse. I guess I should be thankful. No progress was better than bad progress. Johnny had made it through the surgery well and yet he remained in the hospital for another two weeks. There were a few minor complications that held him back from returning home. Not that there was much of a home for him to return to.

I remember with disgust when his father came in to the hospital drunk the night that Johnny first arrived. It was about two in the morning and he was hollering like there was no tomorrow. Darry almost put him in his place. I have never seen him so mad. He grabbed him by the throat and slammed him against the wall. Dally stopped him though. The gang knew that as terrible as Johnny's parents were, they were still the only ones that Johnny had. It would hurt the kid to see his parents hurt.

I huffed. I thought about my own alcoholic old man and knew that I would have no problem if Darry wanted to knock him around a good bit.

Johnny and I were different, that was for sure. He was better. He felt more. I felt nothing at all.

The gang and I had set up a visiting schedule over the passing days. The nurses began to grow tired of ushering us all in and out of his room. They set a limit and told us three at the maximum during visiting hours. I would always go with Steve and Sodapop. The rest would go together or separate.

It didn't matter which day or how many of us showed up. We made sure that no matter what, that boy was never alone. He would constantly tell us to go home and get some rest. Yet I knew by the look on his face, that he was thankful for the company.

During those two weeks I had decided to start going back and sleeping at my house each night. I just felt like I shouldn't have been an added responsibility for Darry to handle. He had so much going on in his life, at such a young age. He didn't need me there as well. He was just had too kind of a heart to say no to anyone. Especially not if it meant that they would be worse off. Yet I was not worse off. I had a home. There was no reason that he should have to pay for my meals, wash my laundry, and provide a place for me to stay every single night. I wasn't an extra child. I had a home. I just hated it.

After observing the life that Johhnny lived, I knew that I should be thankful for what I had. Even though it was clear that my father did not want me, he still allowed me to enter and exit the house. We hadn't had a physical confrontation since the first one and for that I was truly thankful. Yet each night when he came in drunk, I was weary and on my guard. I was ready to take flight at any moment. I believe that he had learned his lesson or maybe I just wasn't around enough to annoy him. I snuck in at night and I left early in the morning.

This morning wasn't any different. I was heading to pick up the boys from work. Steve Randal hated me with a deep passion, but golly did he love my new Pontiac GTO, as I pulled up in to the gas station for the first time. His eyes grew wide as he whistled. I half expected to see drool running down his chin. He walked over and slowly ran his hands along the right side. He only grazed it gently as if it was a precious commodity, not to be harmed. Then he glared up in my direction as if he would spit on me.

I was half tempted to just hand him over the keys. I would have if it wasn't my only form of transportation around town. It was nothing more than a tool to me. It signified my old life, the half life that I had lived before I had known Sodapop.

That night I had dropped Soda and Steve off at the Curtis house and entered early enough to find my father and Ruth sitting on the couch. She was giggling like a little school child and he had his hand on her upper thigh. Ruth looked up as I entered and smiled.

I wasn't sure if i smiled back or not. I just turned and looked in to the kitchen and back to the pair. I was trying to think of something to say to break the awkward silence. "Did you two eat dinner yet?"

"No. We just got in," Ruth said with a smirk.

"I was going to make myself something to eat, would you like some spaghetti and meatballs?"

My father didn't speak. He looked over at Ruth who shrugged her shoulders as if she didn't care and then he turned to me with a nod of his head to signify his answer.

I dallied in the kitchen for as long as possible before the meal was finished and set up the dining room table that hadn't been used in three months.

When we all three sat down, I cringed at the tension. She was sitting in my mothers seat. The new pair were staring in to each others eyes happily, smiling and laughing at their inside jokes. I remained silent at the other end of the table. All you could hear was the scraping of my silverware against the plate. I was startled when my father spoke to me.

"So tell me about this boy that you have been seeing."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

I thought long and hard about what to say. Finally I decided on the truth. "He's wonderful."

It was brief and to the point.

"When will I get to meet his parents?"

I almost choked as the question escaped his lips. I looked up to find a strange gleam in his eyes that I did not understand. I took a deep breath and answered. "He doesn't have any parents. They passed away a few months ago. He now lives with his two brothers."

"Hmm..." my father said. "That will do perfectly." There was a sense of satisfaction in his voice.

I wanted to ask what he meant by that and yet I refrained. Something odd was going on and I knew that whatever it was, I didn't want to know. No more words were spoken the entire night. I cleaned off the table and did the dishes before I went to bed.

I spent the entire night tossing and turning. Lately I had been having terrible nightmares. I was in a dark forest, surrounded by trees. I could hear Johnny screaming in the distance, someone was hurting him. I kept running, trying to find my way out. Suddenly I saw a light up ahead and I ran towards it. The moment I stepped out in to the light I heard a loud piercing car horn and woke up sweating.

This morning I was dressed and showered before noon. I threw my sweater on as I ran out the door and headed over to the hospital. Johnny was finally getting released.

On the drive over I began to recall the night when Johnny was first attacked. I could still feel those hours that felt like days, sitting there in the waiting room watching as the doctors and other patients walked in and out. Yet we still had no news on Johnny's condition. Every moment that went by I became more and more concerned. Why was it taking so long?

Soda had his hand on my own and the softness of his touch warmed my heart a bit. Yet I was still shaking from the whole experience and tried to stop my mind from returning to the horrific scene. It always seemed to me that the worst things in life happen to the people who deserve it the least. The situation with Johnny was just another example.

The sky outside was getting dark and I could see the street lamps yellow glow reflecting off the hospital window. Even though it was late the only one that was capable of sleeping was Twobit because he still had a hangover from earlier that morning. I was laying in an uncomfortable position with my head on Sodapop's chest and I could hear his soft heartbeat in my ear.

Finally four hours after the surgery began a doctor entered the waiting room and Darry stood up to talk to him. Dally shook Twobit awake and we all sat up intently waiting upon the outcome and condition of our friend. The doctor was speaking too low for any of us to hear but by the look on Darry's face, I knew that Johnny was alright.

A deep wave a relief washed over me and I wrapped my arms tightly around Soda's chest. After the doctor had finished talking, Darry walked over to our group with a bright smile on his face. "The doctor said Johnny is going to be fine."

Twobit made a loud noise and began jumping around the room. I watched as Ponyboy let out the deep breath that he had been holding the entire time. At first the doctor said that only family was aloud in to see him but then I think he realized that we were the closest thing to family that Johnny had.

A couple of minutes went by and finally they said that he was ready to have visitors. We all ran to the door. When we burst inside, Twobit went falling to the floor and Johnny sat up in his bed laughing. Then he cringed from the pain. Golly I knew the feeling. My own ribs were still aching terribly. Yet as I stared closer at Johnnys face, I could see that there was something missing. He looked lost and confused, like a kid trying to make the best out of a hopeless situation.

"How ya doin kid?" Darry said as he walked over and ruffled his dark black hair.

Johnny didn't answer he just shrugged his shoulders. I knew that he wouldn't be the same for a long time. If ever. I think the fact that he came so close to dying scared him more than anything else in his life. Which was a lot to say considering the hell his parents put him through.

So for the rest of the night we just sat around in the room and talked about everything other than what had happened. I laughed along with the boys even though my mind was somewhere else. I stared up at Johnny and wondered how he was dealing with everything that had happened. I wanted to thank for him hiding me. He put his self in danger to protect me from harm. I could never repay him for that. I tried to thank him once, when we were the only two in the room and he just shook his head and told me to be quiet. I never brought it up again. I just couldn't understand how he could spend each day of his life going through such extensive torture and yet he still goes on, just as bold and brilliant as always.

The flashback ended as I parked my car to the right of the entrance and made my way up to the room. Johnny was already walking out with Darry by his side.

The many bruises on Johnny's arms and face made me remember that night. All I wanted to do was to give him a hug and tell him that everything would be alright. That he was wanted and loved. I knew that was something that everyone needed to hear now and then and yet never did.

I couldn't tell Johnny that everything would be okay. I didn't know that it would be.

We all unanimously agreed that he wouldn't be going home but rather going to stay at the Curtis house for a few days before he was fully recovered. Which remained like the resident home for all of the hoodlums in the neighborhood.

"So how have you been feeling lately?" Darry asked me as we walked out of the hospital. It was the first time anyone had asked about my health in awhile.

"I'm doing better. I'm actually able to use my right hand now, which is an improvement," I said laughing knowing that Darry didn't find it all that funny. I knew that he wanted me to go to the hospital and get a proper check up but I couldn't do it.

I had successfully stayed out of the way of my father for the past three weeks. He was angry that I had been born and invaded on his perfect life. I knew that he had lost his job and soon we would lose everything. Getting a medical bill would not make him happy. My father only loved me because he had to, not because he wanted to.

I moved over into the middle of the seat so that Darry could drive and Johnny could have room. Sodapop was coming by the hospital to pick up the truck and head to work later. "How ya doing Johnny?" I asked softly, smiling at him as he climbed up into seat.

"Ok, I guess."

I was worried about him. I no longer saw the joy in his eyes. The same form childhood innocence that I saw every time I looked at Ponyboy, Twobit and Soda. They knew that they had a rough life but they made the best out of it. Now Johnny was cold and unfeeling, with a hate in his eyes that I never saw before. I prayed that it would fade away soon. I couldn't stare at him any longer because he reminded me of someone...of Dally.

There was an uncomfortable silence in the vehicle as we drove back to the house. I knew that Darry noticed the change in Johnny too but he would never mention it. That wasn't how things were done. You just hang back and let them deal with their problems however they felt was necessary. Unless they were in trouble. It didn't mean that they didn't care. It was just the way things were. You couldn't be babied, you wouldn't survive on the streets.

I had been raised by my mother to treat people with the same amount of respect that I wished for them to bestow upon me. Over the years I had strayed from my moral's quite a bit. But they were still deeply imbedded in to my soul. So it was killing me to just sit there and say nothing. I knew that there was only so much a person could take before they gave up on living and Johnny was losing that little bit of light that kept him moving on. It was killing me but I was forced to sit back and watch as my friend was letting go. Praying that he would hold on...if anything, just for the sanity of his friends.


	15. Tears For Another

**_Authors Note:_** So I've finally, after eight years since this was released, started finishing this story. I have it all written out. I will be posting new chapters periodically. I completely re-did this entire story. I changed so much and made it longer. Please read it from the beginning, even if you've already read it and let me know what you think! :) it's almost a completely new story. Well almost. I hope you enjoy! 3**  
**

**Tears For Another**

Two long weeks passed by after Johnny had been released from the hospital. I still woke screaming in the middle of the night, with a cold sweat dripping down my forehead. This night was no different, I could feel Soda shaking me awake with strong arms, "Shh...it's okay. Wake up Valentine."

My eyes shot open wide, I automatically jerked away from his grasp to protect myself from some unknown threat and I looked around me quickly. I could see nothing in the darkness, except Soda who had pulled away from me as if he had been burned. Pain was clearly visible in his deep brown eyes. I knew he understood, but it still hurt him to see the fear in me. I took a deep breath and my face softened. I reached out my hand instinctively to comfort him. "I'm so sorry Sodapop." My voice was weak and sadness overtook me. My whole body shook from the nightmare that still lingered in the back of my mind. It had seemed so real, so vivid.

It took him a moment to compose himself like it always did, and then he climbed up on the couch and snuggled in next to me. I knew that if Darry had woken up and found us together like that, we would have been in deep trouble. He specifically told us that I was only allowed to stay the night, as long as we slept in separate rooms. Although he trusted us to be responsible, he also believed that it would be a bad influence on Ponybody if we chose to act too affectionately around each other and I fully agreed with this decision. Darry was the only adult figure that Pony had in his life. He had to do the best he could to act like a mature father figure and I would never do anything to contradict that.

"I don't mean to hurt you Soda," I leaned over and whispered in to his ear. I couldn't see his expression in the darkness, but I could feel his arms tighten around me. There was a few moments of silence, the only sound was his shallow breathing against my left ear as I laid it down upon his bare chest. I almost began to speak again, when I could feel one of his hands gently stroke the side of my cheek. I was happy that it was dark, so that he could not see the flush of my cheeks. I wondered if he could feel the warmth of my skin against his cool hands.

"I can't stand to see you in pain," He replied softly and his voice cracked. Before I could answer, his lips covered mine. Gentle at first and then he slowly began to deepen the kiss. I could feel his tongue trace along my lower lip, which I slowly parted with a deep groan. The noise from deep within me seemed to trigger an almost animal impulse within him as he rolled over so that his entire body pressed my own into the cushion of the couch. His hand had moved from my cheek, to my side and lingered upon the indent of my waste. His other hand was tangled in my hair, as he pulled my face closer to his. I was all too eager to be near to him and yet the moment my shoulders lifted off the couch, I cried out in pain. Within a moment, Soda dropped his hold on me and pulled away. I laid there with my eyes clenched shut and gripping my left arm, as if I could squeeze the pain away.

Soon the pain resided and I opened my eyes. I had not felt Sodapop move and yet as my vision cleared, I found him sitting on the floor beside me with his head against his knees. He was breathing deeply, with his arms folded across his legs.

I cried out bitterly, "I keep hurting you, what's wrong with me!"

His beautiful face shot up in anger, "Stop it Diana! Can't you see what I'm doing to you!"

I was taken back for a second by his abrupt outburst and then stared deep into his dark eyes for a few moments, before I smiled. "Yes Soda, I can see what you're doing to me." I laughed and shook my head, then continued. "I see it every day when I look in the mirror and for the first time in my life there's a smile on my face. I feel it every time you touch me and I this incredible warmth rises inside me. You make me happier than I have ever felt before, during a time when I've never been more terrified. Can't YOU see what you're doing to me?"

Soda looked at me with this realization on his face that I could not explain. Then I slowly reached out my trembling hand and traced his lips with my finger, without taking my eyes off his own. I wanted him more than I had ever wanted any man. More than I had allowed myself to ever want anyone before.

Darry was right...we shouldn't be alone together.

We began to lean towards each other when a sudden light in the hallway startled us. I watched as Ponybody stumbled out of the bedroom half asleep and walked into the bathroom.

I looked over at Sodapop and we both began to laugh quietly. We reveled in a secret that we alone shared. He continued to sit on the floor and I laid on my back on the couch, staring up into the darkness.

We remained there talking until the sun came up and the light from the fading night was barely visible through the front window. We talked about every insignificant detailed that made us who we are. Every single moment of his life was precious to me. I look back now and I see how young I truly was and yet how pure and deeply I cared for that boy. I had never truly experienced what it felt like to want another human being more than anything else. I desired nothing more than to take in the very essence of his existence, soak it all up and drowned in it.

Soda was yawning as the alarm clock in the bedroom rang six o'clock. It was too late to take a nap before work, so he walked in to the kitchen and began to make breakfast for everyone. I could smell the butter burning in the skillet already and I cringed. I knew I should probably get up and help, but I was exhausted and lately the smell of food made me sick. The gang pressured me more as each day passed, and my injuries proceeded to get worse, to go to the hospital. I started to believe that they were going to win this debate. I didn't know how much longer I could take the stabbing in my side and an arm that refused to be of any use at all. I could barely stand for more than fifteen minutes at a time without having trouble breathing. There was definitely something more serious wrong, I was just too terrified to find out. I wanted to pretend like that night never happened. Like it was just another horrible nightmare, where I wake up in Sodapops arms and everything would be okay.

I sat up and shielded my eyes from the sun as Darry walked into the living room. "Hey kid."

"Hey Darry, could I talk to you about something?" I asked meekly. There was still something about Darry that intimidated me.

"Sure thing," He said as he sat down in the chair by the door.

" I'm pretty bad off, ain't I Darry?" My eyes were pleading, begging him to tell me no. To reassure me that I would be fine and that I just had to wait a little for it to all heal.

He sighed and looked me over carefully, judging my reaction " Ya kid, you are."

I cringed and looked down at my knees. I couldn't answer, I just nodded my head. He could tell that I was finished talking and got up to continue to get ready. He looked back at me quickly from the kitchen door way and sighed, then he turned around to leave. Soda came walking in from the kitchen and handed me a plate of food, which i quickly took from him and sat on the table beside me. If I kept it away from me and continued talking, sometimes they didn't notice that I wasn't eating.

"If only you didn't have work today," I said to Sodapop.

"Don't sweat it doll, I'll be home before ya know it." he said reassuringly, leaning over to kiss me on the cheek.

I blushed as ponyboy came walking in to the room and smirked. I looked away and then stood up to limp my way outside on to the porch. I could hear a dog barking and the soft echo of the neighbors screaming at each other in the distance.

I used to lay in my bed at night when I was a child and wonder what life was like on the other side. What I had pictured in my mind, was nothing compared to what I had actually experienced during that cold month of March.

I looked over my shoulder and in to that small white house. I could see Soda watching tv with his younger brother by his side. I sighed. I knew that I was falling in love with him and I didn't truly know what the consequences of that love would be. I also knew that I had only known these boys for two months and it took a lot longer than that, to truly build bonds with people.

I felt as if I would die for any of them if it meant that they wouldn't have to struggle any more. I wondered if they would do the same. They had defended me many times, that was for sure. They had put up with more of my mistakes than anyone had a right to. Deep within me, I knew that they just did this because of Sodapop. He cared for me and so in return, they cared for me as well.

I looked back out and across the street. There was a dilapidated warehouse that used to be a lumber yard, boarded up now and useless. Rocks had shattered holes in the windows and rafters hung down from neglect. I wondered what this neighborhood used to look like when it was first built.

I found myself wondering if it had ever once looked beautiful. Had it been the people or just the slow passing of time that contributed most to its neglect? I wondered if it could ever be revived. If there was ever a chance that its beauty could shine forth once more or if it was ruined forever.

I wondered the same thing about myself.

My thoughts were interrupted as I felt strong arms wrap about my waist and warm breath on my neck.

"What are you thinking?" I heard that familiar voice in my ear.

"I'm thinking about home," I said. "I'm thinking about my father and what my life would be like if he didn't hate me."

"He doesn't hate you," Soda said softly.

I shook my head, "He does. He blames me for my mothers death."

There was silence for awhile and then he spoke, "How did your mother die?"

If that question would have come from any other source, I would have refused to answer. The very thought of my mother, sent a shrill pain reverberating up the center of my chest and it was not from my injuries. It was hard to explain in words the true depth and despair that came with being the cause of the departure of the most cherished life you knew. "It was just a regular night. My father joined us for dinner and that was the only time I saw him during the day. Usually he just sat there quietly and we would explain what we needed for the house and he would give us what we asked. But that night he had made a long list of universities that they believed that I should attend after graduation. They didn't much like the idea of me being an artist and traveling around Europe for awhile. I don't know if you know, but I love to paint." I turned and smiled at Soda as I shared this secret. He looked surprised but happy. "It was the only hobby that I ever truly enjoyed. They didn't understand. They refused the moment that it escaped my mouth. I was so mad that I left the house and went down to the drive in with some friends. I didn't tell my parents where I went. My mother was worried sick that something would happen to me, so she took fathers car and drove around the neighborhood for hours looking for me. She was never a very good driver. The whole time something kept telling me to go home. I was just too stubborn to listen. From what I heard, a car of young boys were driving drunk and couldn't see the street light. They smashed in the entire drivers side of the car. They said mother died instantly."

There was silence after I finished the story. Soda sighed and his voice quivered slightly when he spoke. "My parents died in a car accident too. Their car got stuck on some train tracks when they were on their way back from a picnic out in the country somewhere."

I never thought much about how the death of his parents had effected Soda. He was always so charismatic and lively that you almost couldn't tell that tragedy had truck him so hard. Yet that night, I saw a sadness in his eyes that cut me to the core. I cried that night when I went to sleep. Not for myself...

I cried for him.


	16. What Happiness Is Made Of

**AN- I'm so sorry for the delay. I have the rest of this story together, I just have to edit them before I post. I've been so busy with school starting, working full time and moving in to a new house. But here it is! :) thank you to all of those who have been reading my story. i love you all. Review and let me know what you think! God bless & take care!**

**What Happiness is Made Of**

The next morning Sodapop and I woke up curled in a blanket on the living room floor. Darry woke us up when he turned on the TV and we received a lecture on why we shouldn't sleep near each other with Ponyboy in the house.

We walked out and sat on an old chair in the back yard by the driveway. Sodapop promised that he would take me in to town that day and allow me to finally go shopping. He tried to convince me that he thought I was beautiful no matter what I wore, which had little effect on my decision. Every respectable boyfriend was almost required to say things of that nature. It was just a ploy to make me feel better.

After a quick breakfast of french toast and sausage, we left the house and headed for town. It was a beautiful day. The wind blew cool against my skin and I would have left Sodapops jacket at home, if I wasn't still self conscious about the bruises that lingered on my skin like tattoos.

We walked past a few socs on the sidewalk and they smirked in my direction as they took in my appearance. I watched as they leaned in and whispered to each other, "She got what she deserves, hanging out with trash like that."

I sucked in my breath and turned to look at Sodapop. He just gazed down at the ground and pretended like he didn't hear. Yet I saw him flinch and his face burned red. His grip on my hand tightened for a brief moment. I knew that Soda must have remembered the discussion we had a few days earlier about why I did not like physical confrontation. I could tell that he was doing everything in his power to refrain from defending himself.

It didn't take long for us to arrive at the store and Sodapop just lingered in a corner flirting with the girl at the counter. I didn't mind because every few moments he would look over her shoulder and smile in my direction or do something silly like stick out his tongue. The young girl didn't seem to notice, she was too enamored with his charm.

I couldn't blame her. He had a way of doing that to people.

I bought three skirts and a few sweaters with the money that I had kept hidden beneath my bedroom floorboards at my fathers house. I just wanted to get out of that store as much as possible. I had really disliked the look of disdain on the womans face as I first entered in my faded blue jeans and one of Sodapops old work shirts. I knew that look. It was the same glance that I had given to so many of the greasers before I had actually taken the time to get to know them.

When we left the department store, Sodapop insisted on taking me to the local dairy queen across the street for a sundae. It felt nice just being out on the town with him. I loved the feeling of his arm around my waste and the way he brushed the hair back when the wind blew it in to my eyes.

I sighed. It had taken us forever to get to this place. Now we were here and it was perfect.

"So did you ever imagine that you would end up with a hood like me?" Soda asked while sipping on a chocolate mult shake.

"Oh stop it Soda, you know I don't look at you like that!"

"But it's true," he laughed.

"Does it really matter? You're still a man and I'm still a woman. Isn't that all that matters?"

He thought about a few moments and then nodded his head. "I never thought about it like that."

"Well you should," i said as I ruffled his hair. "Now stop being silly and lets get home."

Then I stopped for a moment and thought about what I had just said. I called the Curtis house my home. I guess it was to some extent. It was the only place where I felt loved and safe. Isn't that what a home is supposed to be?  
Later on that day I was lingering around the living room while Soda was trying to help Ponyboy with his homework and failed miserably.

I thought about school and how long it had been since I was last there. I couldn't really call myself a drop out. I knew that I had failed this year for sure, but I would return.

I walked over to the fireplace and gazed at the pictures arrayed along the top. "The rodeo was a big part of your life, huh Soda?" I asked, tracing his face in one of frames.

He was so young. His golden hair shimmering in the sunlight as he stood next to a beautiful black stallion.

"Sure was," he sighed. "Mom and dad made me quit though, said it was too reckless."

I just sat back down on the couch thinking and starring at a piece of wallpaper that was peeling off of the wall beside me. Soda was sitting quietly beside me, drawing circles on my shoulder. Suddenly an idea hit me...I jumped up. "Let's go to the rodeo tonight," i replied with a smile.

"I don't know..." he sighed and I could see a pained expression in his eyes. I knew that he didn't want to go and yet he didn't want to deny me what I wanted either.

"Soda, we don't have to go if you don't want to. I just know how much you love it and I want to know everything about the things that you love. I've never been to the rodeo before and..."

"Wait. You've never been there before?" he exclaimed, his eyes wide with shock.

"My father always said it wasn't appropriate place for a young lady to seen."

"Man, I can't believe that."

Soda ran a hand through his hair and sat there thinking for awhile. Then he turned to me, "Come on, we're going."

I grinned at the smile that lit up his entire face. I had missed the light that would shine in his eyes when he thought of the things that he had loved doing and yet I sighed, I hadn't seen it in quite awhile.

However, behind the excitement there lingered an exhausted and tired expression in his countenance. He stood up to walk in to Darry's bedroom, when I grabbed his arm.

"What's wrong Soda?" I asked.

He just looked at me for a few moments, debating on whether to speak or not. "How do you always know what I'm thinking? Are you a mind reader or something?"

"Don't change the subject Soda," I said with a laugh. I reached up to touch his cheek and turned his face towards me. "It's not anything that I did, is it?"

"No, it's not you."

Soda sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands. By that time Ponyboy had left with Johnny to go toss the football around outside & we were left alone. I didn't speak, I just waited until he was ready to share whatever was on his mind. When he did speak, he was whispering like he didn't want anyone else to hear. "It's Darry and Ponyboy. They've been fighting so much lately. They drag me in the middle and I can't take sides. They're both my brothers. I'm worried about them. We only got each other. Darry is so stressed all of the time now. He takes it out on Pony. He don't mean nothing by it though...gosh I miss mom and dad. Just three months ago, everything was okay."

I reached out my hand and rubbed the hair away from his forehead. "It's only been three months, but I miss them everyday. Is it like this for you? After your mom died?"

"All of the time," i sighed and looked out the window in to the night. "I wish I could make the pain go away Soda. I wish I could make you happy."

"Don't be silly sweetheart, you make me happier than I've ever been before," he laid sideways with his head in my lap.

I just leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. Darry came walking in to the living room from his bedroom. Sodapop sat up and turned to his older brother.

"Hey Dar, is it alright if we borrow the truck tonight? I got somewhere I want to take Valentine."

"Where?"

"Well I can't tell you, it'll ruin the surprise!" I knew that there was no surprise, he just didn't want Darry saying no.

Darry looked sceptically at his younger brother and then laughed. "Oh alright kid. But if it comes home with is a single scratch I'm going to skin you."

"Yes Sir," sodapop said with a solute and caught the keys as Darry tossed them in his direction. He reached over and gently pulled me up off the couch. "Go get ready doll, we're going out."

It didn't take me very long to get dressed in to my new outfit and soon Sodapop and I were driving side by side down the old dirt road that led us far out in to the boondocks. The rodeo was located a good twelves miles outside of the city in a small town that I didn't know the name of.

We pulled up and all I could smell was hay and horse manure. I could hear the crowd from the parking lots and the lights lit up the sky like a glowing orb in the darkness.

Once we were inside, Sodapop walked me around and showed me where the concession stand was location and said hello to friends he hadn't seen in years. I excused myself to go to the bathroom and when I returned I was scooped up in to his arms and twirled around in a circled. "You'll never believe what happened!" Sodapop exclaimed.

"Well what happened?"

"One of Bucks old buddies said his jockey got sick and he has a lot of money riding on it. Buck talked me up to him and he agreed to let me ride! Golly Diana, I haven't rode in years."

I began to laugh at the ecstatic expression that he expelled. He pulled me over and pointed to a space in the bleachers where I would have the best view and then we parted so he could go get saddled up. I walked up the steps and sat down on a sturdy wooden bench next to an old man wearing a cowboy hat and spitting tobacco in to a tin. I got as close to the rink as I could.

I knew that this was something that Soda loved and I wanted to take in every part of it. I was completely out of my element. I didn't mind. All I could hear was the dull murmur of the crowd in the back of mind, as I tuned them out and focused on Sodas handsome figure as he leaned against the wooden fence that surrounded the ring. He was talking to some girls who obviously fancied him. I could tell by their body language, the way they arched their hips towards him and twirled their hair subconsciously around their slender fingers.

He just smiled that smile I love so much and laughed at whatever they said. Before it would have worried me, and now I knew that those girls meant nothing. I was the one he wanted. They were just temporary amusement...I mattered. He showed me every day.

It was as if he heard my thoughts and looked up over the girls shoulders. He waved obnoxiously and I laughed. I waved back and the girls who were with him glared in my direction and then stomped off. Sodapop didn't seem to notice and came sprinting over towards me. The moment he reached my side, he scooped me up in to his arms and kissed me gently on the lips. when he let me down it was almost hard to stand.

"Whoa, what was that about?" i asked with a laugh.

"I'm just glad to see you," he explained.

"Well i'm glad I came," I replied and kissed him again. "That's for good luck...not that you need it."

He left my side and before I knew it, it was his turn to ride. I watched with wide eyes as Soda rode saddle bronc. The horse kicking viciously up off the ground, dirt spraying from around its hooves. Yet Soda held on tightly, because that's what he was best at. Holding on long after everyone else has let go. He wore a cowboy hat and a plaid shirt that Pony said he only wore during holidays and the rodeo. He went from a greaser to a slick cowboy right before my eyes. I smirked. He was able to play both parts perfectly, just like some handsome movie star.

I cringed each time he hit the ground, praying that he wouldn't get trampled on or break a bone.  
Yet each time he stood up and dusted himself off with a grin. Bowing to the crowd, looking for attention that he got without asking for anyway. There was something about Soda that made you want to know him, it made you want to be a part of his life. Yet what only those close to him knew, was that it was no kind of life to desire.

"Come here, I want to show you something," he exclaimed after it was over. There was excitement in his voice as he tugged on my arm and walked me back to the stables. His face was covered with dirt that had stuck to his skin from sweat & his shirt was hallway unbuttoned displaying his toned chest. He had never looked less like a greaser or more handsome in his life. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. It wasn't his appearance that kept me captive, it was his heart that he wore clearly on his sleeve for everyone to see and yet only I could touch. He was mine. How could any one woman be so lucky?

He pulled me down to the last stall on the left & we just stood there starring in to an empty space. He sighed and rubbed a small carving on the wooden post. I looked closely and saw a carving engraved in the wood, it read Soda & Mickey.

"Mickey," I read quietly. "Who was that, an old girlfriend of yours?" I joked and then stopped laughing when I saw the expression on his face. I reached out and put my hand on his arm. "What's wrong?"

"He was my best friend." Soda said with a sigh. The pain in his eyes made me hurt.

He told me about the old horse that used to stay in that stale. It was his horse without every belonging to him and he had never wanted anything more in his entire life. He told mickey everything that he could never tell a single soul. It was more than a horse, it was his confidant, it was his brother.

I suddenly knew why it was so hard for Sodapop to bring me there that night. It was reopening wounds that he had been trying to close for quite awhile. Yet I was so thankful that he chose to share that with me. I felt like with each passing moment, the more we shared with each other the closer we became. Suddenly I decided to breach the topic that had been eating away at me for weeks.

"You like Sandy, don't you." He opened his mouth to deny my claim, but I held up a hand. "I know that you do and it's okay. I've decided that it's alright, because you can't really help who you like. I know that. I have nothing against Sandy and as long as you still want me here, I'm not going anywhere." Then I stood up on the tip of my toes and kissed him on the cheek. He smiled. "But you're going to have to make up your mind one day."

"I already have," he bent me backwards as we kissed and then stood me to my feet once more. "Can't you tell?"

"Mm...that was nice," I said warmly.

"I like Sandy..." he paused for a moment, I knew that it must have felt awkward for him to admit it out loud. What he said next, I did not expect. Or maybe I knew all along, it was hard to tell. "...but I love you."

"O' really?" i asked with a smirk. "Well you could probably love Sandy too, if you gave her a chance."

"Yes...that's true. But I don't want to."

"Well in that case...I guess I love you too."

"You guess?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

I folded my arms and slouched back against the stable doors. "A girl can't look too desperate, now can she?"

He laughed and then his face softened as he ran his finger gently from my temple, down the side of my right cheek.

I knew from the pure warmth in the pit of my stomach, that this was happiness...the way it was supposed to be.

I turned around to walk out of the stables but he grabbed me around the waste from behind and pulled my back to his chest. Then he laid head on my shoulder and whispered in my ear. "You're frustrating, you know that?"

I kissed him on the cheek, "Of course I am."


	17. Make A Wish Before They All Go Out

Chapter Seventeen- Make A Wish

As I stood up off of a park bench and took a deep breath, I looked up to the sky and remember that seventeen years ago from that day, I had been born in to this life. It was the day that God decided that He wished for me to exist. I wasn't sure if it was even a day worth celebrating, but golly...Sodapop sure thought it was.

He had been saving his paycheck for weeks just to take me out to this fancy Italian restaurant on the edge of town called Emelio's. I protested fervently when I had been informed of this plan. I knew that Darry needed all the money that he could get, to pay for the house. I knew that they were struggling as it was and I sure didn't need no fancy dinner.

Darry assured me that it was fine and that all of the bills had been paid for the month. I was forced to agree and go a long with Sodapops silly antics. He wanted to celebrate. So I would let him.

After losing the argument, Sodapop and I were on our way to what had previously been labeled as my home. Yet all it was to me then was a structure that held what was left of my material possessions. I felt a small tension build in my stomach. I couldn't deny that I was nervous for Sodapop to see the place that had shaped almost every part of who I was. I was even more nervous at the thought of my father actually being home.

The previous night Soda had promised me that he would keep his composure. He said that he knew that my father wasn't a nice man and he told me that no matter what, he would not retaliate in any kind of confrontational manner. I just prayed that no need for confrontation would arise.

I no longer cared nor needed the approval of my father. Yet I cared about Sodapop. I couldn't imagine anyone hurting him or saying things to degrade him in any way. Which I'm sure my father would do. Soda was everything that I had be lectured to stay away from and yet he was everything that I hadn't even realized that my life had been lacking.

"Why are you so tense Valentine? I'll be alright," Soda said rubbing my shoulders. The massage felt good and I closed my eyes as we walked down the sidewalk. I trusted him to lead the way. He would never let me fall.

In order to get my mind off of things, I decided to learn more about the man who I was so deeply in love with. I turned and looked up at him, walking backwards. "Soda, why do you love cars so much?"

Maybe it was because I was a female or maybe it was something else. But I couldn't seem to understand his fascination with anything on four wheels.

"Golly, I don't know. I guess it's the same reason I like drag racing. I feel like I'm in control and that I can decide how it all turns out."

I stopped for a moment and smiled. I finally understood something that I hadn't before. A part of me realized that the greasers loved being reckless so much because they felt like it was the only part of their life that they had control over. Sodapop couldn't control being born on the wrong side of town. He couldn't control his parents dying or the way that people looked down on him. Soda couldn't fix those things or change them. But he could fix an engine better than anyone I knew.

"What is it Diana?" he asked as I continued to smile at him.

"Ohhh, nothing."

The moment we approached my house, I watched as Sodapop stood there silently in the front yard for a few moments. I was praying for him to speak, to say anything at all. He just stood there with his gaze cast upwards and his eyes wide. "This is your house?"

I looked down at the ground, "ya."

He gulped and fidgeted a little. "Wow."

That was all he could say. We stood there for a few moments and when I couldn't take it any longer I walked past him and up on to the front porch. The door was locked, so I knew that thankfully my father wasn't home. I unlocked the door and held it open for him. "Well are you going to come inside or just stand out there gawking all day?" I laughed.

"I don't know doll, are you sure I won't contaminate the place?" he joked as he walked up the few steps and met me at the door.

"Well you haven't contaminated me yet, so I think the house will be fine. It's sturdier than I am."

I took him on a quick tour of the house and when we finally made it to my old bedroom, he turned to me in confusion when he eyed the destruction. "What happened to your room?"

"My father got a little mad the day I first ran in to you at the DX. When I got home he had destroyed everything that I've ever owned." Soda didn't speak, but he put a hand on my lower back for comfort. Words weren't really necessary during times like those.

"Well let's get your stuff and we'll head out okay. The reservations at the restaurant are in an hour."

He walked over to the broken stained glass window and starred at it curiously, running his fingertips across the shards of glass. "Why is this in your room?"

"I saved it from an old church," i said simply.

"Why?" he cocked and eyebrow at me like I was the silliest person that he had ever known.

Maybe I was.

I remained silent for a little while. i wasn't sure if he would understand. Then I realized that it didn't matter. "There was just something so beautiful about it. It reminded me every day about the importance of the delicate balance of devotion and sacrifice. It was of a mother and her child. The one child that would sacrifice his own life to give the rest of us a chance. The red roses were their wreath. It combined them together in love, which is at the center of all things."

I turned around and looked at him. I was afraid that I was becoming to deep for him to follow me correctly and yet i knew by the look in his eyes that he understood me perfectly.

He was a whole lot smarter than he gave himself credit for.

"I was just a silly child when I got it. I'm not that person anymore." I turned around and walked out of the room and down the steps to the bathroom door. There was nothing left for me there. I didn't want to linger longer than was necessary.

I hadn't taken me very long to get dressed. I put on the prettiest dress that I owned. It used to belong to my mother. It was floor length and a sky blue satin. I used to try it on while playing dress up, But it never looked as good on me as it did on my mother. However now that I was growing in to a woman, it fit me perfectly.

When I walked out of the bathroom, Soda smiled. "You look wonderful."

I beamed and then blushed. For the first time in a long time, I truly felt beautiful. I looked like my mother and she was the most beautiful woman that I had ever known.

"Well thank you. Now lets get going before I make us late like always."

When we arrived back at the Curtis house, Sodapop through on the tux he wore to his parents funeral. I had never seen him look so handsome before.

Darry allowed us to use the truck and stood on the porch to watch us off, like a proud parent before his son went off to prom.

It made me smile. I knew that if their father was there, he would have been proud of who his oldest son had become.

We parked a block from Emelios and when we walked in the door we were greeted by the smiling face of the hostess. She was a small girl with medium brown hair and a yellow dress. Soda proudly announced his last name and I hid a smirk. I sure wasn't in the mood to celebrate my birthday and yet I loved anything that made Sodapop feel good.

We waited in the corner by the door for a few moments before our names were called.

When the blonde haired waitress turned around from grabbing the menu's, I froze.

Sandy was staring back at me with equal shock in her expression. Yet she covered it well as she looked between Sodapop and I, and then to her boss. "Right this way," she said softly as she looked at the ground.

When her back was facing us, I turned to look at Sodapop with wide eyes. He was looking just as bewildered. Soda shrugged his shoulders as we followed Sandy to the table. She didn't look at us as she sat our menus down on the table.

"Thank you," i said awkwardly after she went over the chefs specials.

She didn't speak as she walked away and when she was in a far enough distance to not overhear, I blurted out "Did you know she worked here?"

"No!" he exclaimed with a pleading look in his eyes. " I swear I didn't know. The last time I checked she was still working at her mothers beauty parlor."

I placed my hand on his shoulder, "I believe you. Let's just enjoy our dinner okay. I love you."

I heard someone clear their throat and I looked up to see Sandy standing there with our drinks in her hands. She placed them down in front of us and I looked up at her. There were tears in her eyes. Soda couldn't make eye contact with her and looked away.

She just wiped the tears away quickly and lifted up her chin. "Can I take your order?"

We quickly told her what we had decided upon. I got fresh salmon and wild rice. Sodapop got a steak with mashed potatoes. I was hesitant at first when I saw the price and yet Soda assured me that he had enough.

"This is uncomfortable," i whispered as I leaned in close to him.

"I know," he grinned. "But when is our life ever not complicated? I can't say I mind it much, keeps things from getting boring." Soda's laugh rang out through the room and a few people turned to stare. He just waved at them and they turned around with a smug look on their face.

The meal was incredible. It was the best quality food that I had ever had. I don't know whether it was because of the cooking or because of the company.

Sandy didn't return and we refused to call on her even after our drinks ran out. She only returned at the end to give us our check. I think Soda was tired of the awkwardness and decided to start a conversation.

"So when did you start working here?" Soda asked. Sandy jumped and almost dropped the empty plates.

She turned and looked down at him. Her face softened and she reached out and brushed her hand along his cheek. Before I knew what I was doing, I stood up and pushed my chair back. Everyone in the room turned to stare at me. I calmed myself for a second, not wishing to make a scene. But I had her arm gripped tightly in my grasp. I knew it would leave a bruise the next day.

"Go ahead," she said, staring me straight in the eyes.

"You're lucky we're here."

Sodapop stood up and whispered in my ear, "Lets go."

He put his hand around my waste and attempted to guide me away. "You're the lucky one," Sandy said from behind me. "If you didn't have him under lock and key, he'd be mine."

I reached over and grabbed a glass of water in my hand. She didn't even have time to blink before I flung it in her face. She screamed and backed away. Sodapop grabbed my arm, quickly through money on the table and pulled me out of the door and halfway down the sidewalk.

I climbed up in to the truck and we didn't speak for half of the ride home. Finally he growled, "Are you going to talk to me?"

"What's there to say?" i asked.

"I wanted everything to be perfect for you," he said with anger and hit the steering wheel.

I sighed, "Don't blame yourself."

"Who else is there to blame?" he asked.

"It's my fault, i should have controlled myself. I shouldn't have allowed her to upset me like that."

"It's your birthday, it was supposed to be perfect," he repeated himself again. I could see how upset this was making him. I reached out my hand and placed it on his leg while he was driving. I leaned my head against his right shoulder.

"You're perfect," I said softly. " I had a wonderful time just being with you."

He snorted, "You're lying."

"About which part? The part where you're wonderful or the part where I had a good time?" i asked in amusement.

"Well of course I'm wonderful, but you had a terrible time," I shoved Soda in the arm.

"Oh stop it!"

When we arrived back at the Curtis place, Soda stomped directly in to the bedroom to talk to Ponyboy and I had a feeling that he was venting about the events of the night. I felt like I should give them privacy so I offered to go to the grocery store with their older brother to find something to make for dinner.

While I was wondering around the store, waiting for Darry to finish grabbing the groceries. A shiny black object caught my eye. It was a porcelain stallion rearing it's front legs, sitting on a shelf in the corner by the magazines. Something about it reminded me of Sodapop and I grabbed it without thinking. I knew that it wasn't customary to give other people gifts on your birthday, I just knew that he would love it. I hope that it would make up for my behavior earlier that day.

We paid for our purchases and rode home in silence. Darry parked the truck in the back of the house and we carried the groceries in. I had the present for Sodapop hidden in my hand behind my back and I peaked around the doorway of the house, looking for him. I couldn't get the silly grin off my face. He wasn't anywhere to be found. That was when I heard voices out on the front porch.

I tiptoed to the door, wanting to surprise him and when I pushed the screen door open...I gasped.

Sodapop was standing there with Sandy in his arms. His hands were on her back and hers were on the side of his face. Their lips were pressed tightly together.

My hand fell limp and the glass stallion dropped to the ground, shattering in to many tiny fragments. Sodapop turned to look at me at the sound of the noise and immediately dropped the young woman in his arms. He backed away from her and stopped when he hit the porch rail. His eye were wide in shock. Hers were full of triumph.

Soda reached out his hand towards me and then let it drop when he saw the expression on my face. I could only imagine what I must have looked like. "Diana...I can explain," he said slowly.

I put up my hand quickly to stop him, "There's no need to Sodapop. I already understand completely."


	18. Only The Moon Knows

Hey everyone! It seems like people are reading the story, but barely anybody tells me what they think. So leave me some reviews. let me know what you're thinking! :) and thank you to those who already have! I love you all!

**Only The Moon Knows**

The next few weeks after my birthday had drug on slowly and I had done the best that I possibly could at avoiding all contact with Sodapop Curtis. I ran in to the gang around town here and there. Ponyboy and Johnny stopped in the diner often for a cola and so did Darry after work sometimes. They said hello and talked to me as if nothing was wrong. Well not Steve of course. He just had a smug grin on his face that I would have slapped off if I didn't think that he would slap me back. I knew deep down that Steve wasn't as bad as he appeared to be. He was just as wounded and bitter and cold as the rest of us. It wasn't all his fault. He didn't ask for it either.

I bit my lip as I remembered back to the feeling that I had the night I stood on the porch in the darkness and watched Sodapop in the arms of another woman. It was unlike any pain that I had ever felt. I knew that no matter what, I would never allow myself to feel that way again. I had to protect myself. I knew that I was the only one that could. Yet each moment learning to live without him felt like stepping through molasses. It was a slow and grueling journey.

I had relied too much on Soda's protection. I had opened my heart and allowed myself to believe that he was the blessing that I had prayed for. I held on to him tightly, believing that I was invisible with him by my side. I was wrong. Soda was nothing but human. A man.

Men lie and deceive you. Men let you down.

It was my fault. I had made Sodapop my entire world, instead of just a small part of it. It was such a foolish decision and now I was reaping what I sowed.

I hadn't even given him a chance to speak after I had caught him that night, I just turned my back on him and walked through the house and out the back door. Ponyboy came out of the bedroom after hearing some shouting and he looked at me wearily, i knew that I didn't even have to explain. I wondered if he knew what had happened.

The pain was stabbing me to the core and yet not a single tear escaped my eyes as I walked down the back steps and across to the gravel driveway. I wouldn't cry. The earth was moist after that mornings rain. I could feel it sink beneath my feet. I had promised myself to never shed another tear for a man and I held firmly to my vow. I was stubborn. I mistook my stubbornness for strength.

I walked towards the street, when suddenly Soda had caught me by the forearm and turned me around to face him. I was shocked for a moment, I hadn't heard him follow. He must have ran around the front to cut me off. Or maybe he had waited to say goodbye to Sandy. I yanked my arm away. I still refused to speak. I couldn't even look at him. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and looked up as I heard the back door open.

Darry had followed us outside after Ponyboy mentioned the confrontation. I think he hoped that he could stop either of us from doing something stupid. Even though I knew that it was too late for that.

I thought back to the night in the stables at the rodeo. I thought about the words 'I love you' as they escaped so easily from his lips. Each one of those words might have been a declaration of hate for as badly as they carved the pain deeper into my chest. I turned to Darry as he approached us and begged him to drive me home. My voice broke as I spoke and it took everything I had to control myself. I took a deep breath and clenched my jaw shut. Darry looked cautiously between Sodapop and myself. Yet the pain in my eyes and my pale expression helped him agree quickly. He was Sodapops brother and yet he also had too much moral responsibility to allow a young girl to walk home alone at night. He knew that If he didn't drive me, I would leave anyway and if something were to happen to me, he would take the responsibility on his shoulders.

Sodapop wanted to come too, but Darry pulled him to the side and tried to calmly persuade him that it wasn't a good idea. I could see exhaustion written on the older brothers face and I knew that he just couldn't take being in the middle of our fight. He worked so hard and had so many cares of his own.

I remember driving away from Sodapop without a single look back. I knew that if I did, I would have turned around.

Weeks went by and I slept each night at my fathers house. It was awkward being in his presence so much and we avoided each other at all costs. Each day as I noticed more and more of the furniture disappearing, I knew that things were getting bad financially for my father. He barely ever went to work and I had a feeling that when he did leave the house, it wasn't to go to his job.

I on the other hand, decided that I needed to stay productive and to keep my mind off of the pain of loss that could have easily consumed my life. It was one thing that I learned from going through the death of my mother. So I went and spoke with Two-bits mother at Penny's diner about getting a job as a waitress. I had no previous experience, but she knew me well enough to know that I was a hard worker and gave me a job without question. I had a feeling that it was merely out of pity, or maybe she saw something in me that other people had missed. She seemed to have a way of looking through you. I started out on Monday as just a hostess and would shadow Eileen around to the different tables to learn the ropes.

My second week on the job, I was allowed to wait on my first table. It was a complete disaster and yet I didn't do as bad as I had originally feared. The women I worked with were kind and the costumers served their purpose well. They distracted me from my own mind and from any thoughts of Sodapop. However, nothing could distract me completely. Any moment when I wasn't occupied, my mind would wonder back to thoughts of him and to moments we shared. I would shake my head and force myself to forget.

I heard through small voices of a few students at the high school, that Sandy and Soda were officially a couple. I didn't know if their sources were right or how they knew, but the words didn't hit me any less hard. I walked to the back storage room and slid down on to the floor. I cried in to my hands until I couldn't breath. Two-bits mother found me and told me that I looked terrible and that it'd be best if i went home to get some rest.

It was a warm night about a month after the incident, i had agreed to go down to the river with a young girl named Carla Anne who I had met at work and a group of her friends from school. We parked our cars down by the shore and lit a bonfire with some wood that we found from the forest.

The boys blasted the radio from the speakers and we danced around and acted like fools. It was the first time in weeks that I had actually felt like a normal teenage girl again.

Maybe I would make it through this.

Two in the morning rolled around much quicker than we had anticipated and soon I found myself sitting alone on an old piece of wood while Carla's boyfriend made sure that the fire was out. Suddenly I heard movement behind me in the darkness and I jumped. I strained my eyes to look in to the woods and it didn't take long for my vision to clear.

Sodapop stood in front of me in a white t-shirt with a stain by the shoulder and his familiar faded blue jeans with a hole in the knee. His converse sneakers shone white and red beneath the hem.

"What are you doing here?" i asked shocked.

"Miss Matthews told me you'd be here, she heard through someone at work and Two-bit passed the information on to me. So I came to find you and make sure that you were alright."

A beer blast was the last place that I had imagined that I would run in to Sodapop. It wasn't exactly his kind of scene and I hadn't seen him in weeks. Although each night, I had seen him in my dreams. I could picture his face as clearly as the last night that I saw him. I could smell the sent that wafted off of his skin and no matter what I did, I couldn't seem to escape his presence. Now he was here. I could hardly believe that he was real.

At that moment Carla Anne came walking back towards me, when she saw Sodapop she jumped. "We're heading home now...are you okay?" She looked between Soda and myself.

"Ya, I'm fine."

"Do you want us to wait until your done to leave?"

"No it's alright, i'll leave when me and Soda finish." I said reassuringly.

"Okay, call me when you get home so I know that you got there safe." I could feel Soda tense. I knew he was furious that someone would even assume that he would harm me in any way.

"She's always safe with me, I'll make sure she gets home alright." Carla eyed him suspiciously but then melted under his smile. Nobody could stay mad at Sodapop. At least not when he was really fixin' to have them on his side.

When Carla left, he turned back to face me.

"I came to find you," he said slowly when I just stood there staring silently.

"Why? You have Sandy now. You can go and be happy." Those were the only words that I could think to speak.

"Is that what you want?" Soda asked, clearly irritated at my response.

"What I want never mattered much anyway," I replied slowly as I thought about all of the prayers that I had prayed that were left unanswered.

"Oh stop begging for pity from me, it's not going to work!" Soda growled.

This response made me angry and I whipped around to glare at him through the darkness. "I never asked for your pity."

"Well you could have fooled me," He spat out.

"You made your decision Sodapop, now can't you leave me alone to find some sort of happiness from what's left? Don't I deserve that much? I never hurt you, I just loved you." Soda pulled his head back slightly as if someone had slapped him and sadness filled his eyes.

"I never meant to hurt you, I only ever wanted to do right by you and I guess I just didn't know how," he was speaking barely above a whisper.

"You should go and be with Sandy now Soda," i whispered this, holding back the tears. I had let him go once, the second time I didn't feel any stronger.

"And what about you?" He asked, frustration clearly present in his voice.

I turned away from him and walked down by the banks of the Arkansas river. I gazed out over the horizon, the moon reflecting off the smooth surface of the water. Shimmering like glass.

"I never kissed Sandy, Diana. She was trying to convince me why I should leave you and it wasn't working, so she grabbed me and kissed me. Before I had a chance to pull away, you walked out. I didn't know what to do. I just stood there." I couldn't turn around, I just listened. Somehow I already knew. I knew the moment that I saw it happen and yet I ran away anyway.

"What do you want from me Soda?" I whispered.

"I want you to tell me to stay, to fight for me!" I was hurting too badly to really feel the impact of that response.

"I don't have the strength to fight for anything anymore." I knew that it was the end, i had given up. My hands slumped to my side. I was defeated in every sense of the word. If God wanted to take everything that I held dear to me, then He would and there was nothing that I could do to stop it.

"So that's it, you're just going to give up and run away?" his voice began to rise in volume and he clenched his fists tightly against his sides.

"I'm not running away." I growled and walked up to meet him. We were standing face to face beneath an old willow tree. It blocked all light from the moon and we were engulfed in shadow.

"Then prove it," He demanded.

"How?" I asked.

He grabbed the side of my face and his lips slammed feverishly against my own as my back smashed against the tree. I could feel the rough bark digging in to my spine but I didn't mind. I was too preoccupied with all of the other more dominate feelings that overwhelmed every sense in my body. The touch of Sodas fingertips as they trailed a pathway down my outter thigh, the scent of sweat and musk that lingered on his skin and the taste of his mouth that held me captivated in his strong grasp.

We should have stopped. We should have thought.

But we didn't.


	19. Just Out of Reach

_Hey everyone! So there's only one more chapter left! I know it's been taking a long time to finish...but I hope it's been worth it. Thank you to all my wonderful readers! I love you all and you're the reason I decided to continue finishing this. _

**Just Out of Reach**

The sun was warm against the bare skin of my back & the damp grass was cool against my side. Beneath me lay the statuesque form of Sodapop. The previous night had been a blur. I had never had another moment filled with so much feeling. Anger, passion, pleasure, joy and pain. It still to this day, remains the best moment of my life.

I traced circles on his chest with my fingertips and watched him stir. His breathing was deep and even. His hair fell into his face, tousled and damp. We both needed a shower. Yet the sound of the river beside me, soothed me and I couldn't bring myself to rise just yet.

I must have fallen back asleep because the next thing I know I was being awoken by Soda's warm lips on my neck. "Time to wake up." He whispered in my ear and then kissed me again. He rolled me from my side on to my back and positioned himself on top of me. I could feel ever inch of his skin pressed against my own and yet all I could see was his eyes. That was all that I needed to see.

I remembered that I had work at noon and by the position of the sun, I knew that I would be late. Soda pulled me to my feet and after a long kiss, we got dressed quickly and headed home. He was driving Darry's old truck. I knew that he'd be getting hollered at when he got home. We were almost to my house when he turned to me, "Can I see you again soon?"

"I need time to think this over Soda." I said softly as I got out of the truck and went to leave. I needed to sort out the thoughts in my head. Sodapop had a girlfriend, her name was Sandy. What we had done last night confused me and made me wonder what kind of woman I was. I thought about my mother and what should would have thought. However, I pushed that back quickly. Soda reached out the window and grabbed my hand. I turned around to face him.

"Come back to me," He whispered.

"I'll try," I said with a sad look in my eyes.

"Don't take too long," was his last response before he left.

Work at the diner was slow, until half past one when a tall blonde walked in. I could recognize her face anywhere. She saw me and smirked. I was the only waitress on duty. I remembered back to my birthday dinner and realized that our places were now switched.

"Hello Valentine," Sandy said. Her voice was sweet, but deadly. Like venom that entered your bloodstream, killing you slowly from inside. By the time you see the symptoms, you're dead.

"Hello Sandy," I said in reply. It surprised me when she declined the menu and said she wasn't eating. She just starred me in the face and then took a deep breath before she began.

"Look, I'm not going to waste any time. These stupid games have to end here. I'm good for him and you know it. I can give him everything that you never could. Because you haven't been through what we've been through. You were raised in a completely different environment. You may know what he's been through, but you can never truly feel it the way I can."

I growled at the thought that this girl would have the audacity to tell me tell me what I could or could not feel. I thought about my mothers death and everything that I had been through. I knew that Sandy treated him well. She was as good as a greaser girl could get. She was pretty and polite and didn't dress dirty like the others. Yet somehow I couldn't allow myself to believe that she could love him better than I could.

I knew that Soda and Sanda had never physically been together. I remember accidentally overhearing Two-bit and Steve crudely joking with soda about it once. I could have bragged, I could have crushed her right where she stood. But I didn't. I felt like what had happened between Soda and I was personal and private. It was a moment meant to be shared just between the two if us.

So I watched her smirk and leave the diner. I let her believe that she had won. However, inside I knew that after last night...I was the winner. I was his first choice.

Work flew by and soon I found myself standing outside of Sodas door once more. I had sent a message home with Ponyboy, to remind him that I was stopping by. I saw Pony and Johnny at the diner that morning. Johnny still looked pretty bad off from getting jumped, but he was healing. I prayed and thanked God for that. I just prayed that he could remove the emotional damage that had been done as well. I knew those scars took longer to heal.

I knocked on the white screen door. No sound could be heard from within. Before I knew what happened i felt two strong arms wrap around my waist and pull me close. "Hello beautiful," He whispered. I turned to stare in to his eyes as he kissed me on the lips passionately.

"Now now, there are children present." joked Two-bit as he walked up the steps.

Soda turned to me and smiled. It was the grin that I had missed so much and loved beyond any site in the world. "We're going out to disco tonight. Come with us." I tried to refuse. Dancing was never one of my strong suits. However I was persuaded quickly by the two boys in front of me.

Hours passed by and I actually found myself having a good time. I found more amusement in watching Soda have a good time, than actually dancing. However, it started to get late in to the night and while were standing at the bar, I could hear the bass from the music mimicking the beat of my heart as it pounded rhythmically in my chest.

Thump thump...thump thump

All I could smell was smoke and it was making me sick. I had to get out of there and get some fresh air. I yelled to Sodapop that I had to go outside and he nodded his head as he guided me down the hallway with his hand on my lower back.

We passed Two-bit who was staggering and trying to pick up some sleezy looking blonde with a bad perm and too much makeup. He caught sight of us and whistled, cocking an eyebrow.

"Where are you two sneaking off to? I thought you'd be all wore out after all the fun you had last night." He laughed like it was the funniest thing he's ever heard and stopped when he saw my face go pale. I could feel Soda tense beside me.

I quickly regained my composure and continued walking towards the exit, but Soda grabbed my arm and turned me around. He knew better than to believe that I was okay.

"You told them!" I choked out. Trying to wrap my mind around the betrayal of confidence and to control the overpowering sense of humiliation that threatened to overwhelm me. He had told them that I had slept with another girls boyfriend. Whether they knew me or not or whether they knew him, all I could think about was the view that the gang now had of me in their minds.

"I'm sorry Diana, we're so used to telling each other everything. I wasn't thinking...I..."

"Of course you weren't thinking! You never think about how what you do, affects me." I yelled, backing towards the door.

"That's not fair," he replied softly, shaking his head in denial.

"Do you know what this makes me look like? What kind of women it turns me in to in the eyes of other people? You have a girlfriend Sodapop...and it isn't me."

"They don't think anything bad about you..."

"You don't know what they're thinking!" I yelled. "You don't know anything. I was such a fool to think that it was private, personal. It was supposed to be just between us." I could feel the tears forming in my eyes, but I bit them back once more. I would not cry. "Now it means nothing."

Soda flinched and I could tell that this declaration had hurt him. I pushed the door open with my back and sucked in a deep breath of fresh air, the moment I was outside. I wanted to scream at the sky. Why did we always fight? Why did it always have to end like this? A beautiful moment, destroyed once more.

"It meant something to me." I could hear his voice behind me as I continued walking down the dark street in to the night. I knew that it was dangerous. I didn't care. I needed to get away from there and away from everything that had the potential to harm me.

I headed home for what I didn't realize would be the last time.


	20. All Good Things Must End

**All Good Things Must End**

I walked in the front door and found my father standing there, starring in to my eyes. He had a large box in his hands. The lid wasn't closed and I could see a few of my mothers possessions packed away beside the antique lamp that used to sit on the desk in the living room.

"Start packing what you want to keep and looking for a place to stay permanently. Maybe with that hood you call a boyfriend, his house seems to be pretty accommodating. I'm selling the rest and moving in with the woman I've been seeing. I don't have time for a debate and don't look so surprised, you hate me anyway." He walked around me and out the door in to the cold night air. I just stood there as still as a statue and my chin fell down against my chest. I couldn't move. I felt frozen and for the first time in my life, I didn't mind.

I wanted to take in everything. I wanted to feel the wooden floor beneath my feet. The one my father had put in by hand when I was seven years old. I wanted to hear the hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen and the sound of the wind as it hit against the house. I wanted to breath in the air and the familiar smell of pine. I knew it would be the last time.

I walked in to the kitchen and picked up the phone that hung on the wall, to test to see if there was still a dial tone. I sighed in relief when there was. I pulled out a piece of paper that I had been carrying around in my purse since the funeral and dialed the number for Shirley Cannon. She was a childhood friend of my mothers who now lives with her husband in Dallas. He was a lawyer and she was a librarian at a local woman's university.

Shirley had handed me her number after the service and told me that she hadn't always been able to be there for my mother, but she would do everything in her power to take care of me. Shirley requested that I come and live with her. However I was still too numb at the time to ever make a decision so big. I hadn't expecting things to get any better over time, what I didn't expect was them to get worse.

The phone connected and I could hear the ringing in my ear. When her familiar voice picked up the phone, I calmly explained my situation. I told her that I agreed to her proposal. I had nothing to hold me here now. She was thrilled, I was terrified.

I walked upstairs in to what had previously been my bedroom. I sat upon the empty floor, facing the shards of the broken stained glass window. I realized how fitting it's placement had been. This room had been my sanctuary as a child. The place where I used to build forts out of blankets and the place that I had first kissed a boy. Such childlike innocent had disappeared in to the woodwork. I was no longer the girl that I had once been. I was a young woman. I was altered and would forever remain that way.

I thought about Sodapop. The boy who had taken so much of my heart. The one man who had kept me from completely destroying myself. Any part of who I had left of my past, was thanks to him. He had helped me in so many ways. I grew stronger in his embrace. I had learned so much about the world from that small group of greasers. More than I had ever learned from school. I had given nothing to them in return.

I thought about Sandy. Maybe she had been right this whole time. When it came to their relationship, there were no complications...none except for me. She was raised in his society. She didn't need to be protected or to defend herself. Sandy knew how to take care of Soda. All I did was hurt him. I made a decision right there that I would remove myself from the equation. I would give him a chance to be happy. I had been a selfish creature all my life and for once my own happiness meant little to me.

I sat for an hour upon the floor and on a small piece of white paper I wrote the last words that I would ever say to him. That I loved him, but I had to go. I folded it up and headed outside to my car. Storm clouds hovered above and raindrops danced against my skin.

I drove in the direction of the Curtis house and stood on the sidewalk as I looked up at the house where I had spent the past year of my life. Memories haunted my every step as I walked up the cement path and heard the porch steps creak underneath my feet. They were memories filled with joy, pain, love and loss. They were moments that I couldn't regret, even if I had wanted to.

My hands were shaking as I lifted up my fist to knock on the door. I could hear someone moving from within. The door opened and I sighed in relief when I saw Ponyboy standing there shirtless in his old blue jeans. He yawned and stretched out his arms over his head.

"Hey Valentine," he greeted with a smile, as if I hadn't been gone for weeks.

"Hey Pony, can you give this to Soda?" I asked as I stretched out my hand and in it I held a small folded note.

He twisted his body and pointed back in to the house, "I can go wake him up if you want."

"No!" It came out too quickly and too panicked. "Could you just do it for me?"

"Sure thing, are you on your way to work?" He asked, trying to come up with a reason for the early morning visit.

"No, I'm leaving town in a couple hours."

"You're leaving? he practically hollered it and then he lowered his voice so he didn't wake up his brothers. "Are you visiting someone?"

"My father lost the house. I'm moving to Dallas. There's an all women's university there that I'll be attending after I receive my diploma. A friend of my mothers works on the faculty and she'll be helping me with my tuition."

"But...you can't just leave." He said this slowly. I knew that he was thinking of his brother. The one who'd be most affected by my departure from Tulsa.

Soda's perfect features flashed through my mind and I took a deep breath. I leaned forward and kissed Ponyboy quickly on the cheek and turned to leave, "It was nice to know you Ponyboy. Take care of your brother for me. I'll write to you sometimes to keep in touch."

"Goodbye," it was all he could think to say and I understood. I quickly got in to my Pontiac and drove away without looking back. If you really have your heart set on going somewhere, you can never look back or you'll find yourself going in circles.

I dropped the car off at the train station, my father would find it eventually. Or maybe he wouldn't, it was none of my concern anymore. I purchased a one way ticket to Texas with the money that I had stashed under my floorboards. I waited only an hour before the conductor hollered for us to board. I climbed up the steps, my feet feeling like lead beneath me and I took a seat beside an older woman of about seventy. I leaned my head against the window and pulled my purse up in to my lap. It was the only possession that I decided to bring with me. It had belonged to my mother.

As I lifted the bag up, a small black box fell to the floor at my feet. Tied around it was a red silk bow. It was the present that Sodapop had given me for my birthday. I realized that I had been so distracted by what had happened the night of the dinner that I had completely forgot about the present he had handed me.

I couldn't move for a moment. I just sat there starring at the box on the bus floor, as we began to pull out of the station. I reached down and lifted it up, taking a deep breath as I untied the bow.

I slowly opened up the folded letter that was placed on top of a small black velvet bag. I was trembling as I unfolded it and began.

_Dear Diana,_

_No matter how far you feel that you're falling away from who you were, I hope this small piece of your past can always bring you back._

_I'll love you forever,_  
_Sodapop Curtis_

I pulled the string on the tiny bag and turned it upside down. A small piece of stained glass fell in to my palm, painted on it's surface was a single crimson rose.

I had been fighting for so long to be strong. To block out all that I had ever been through in order to shield myself from the truth. I realized that it didn't matter anymore. Sometimes you had to mourn in order to move forward. So for the first time in months, I allowed the tears to flow freely from my eyes.

"Are you alright dear?" Asked the lady beside me

"I'll be fine," I said softly and somehow...I knew that I would be.

Maybe not anytime soon. It could take months or years, but I knew that one day I would heal from all of this. I would mend the wounds that I had been given. Part of me would remain scarred forever. Time can only heal so much.

But I would heal.

I turned my gaze back out on to horizon that flashed before me. To my right I saw a large green sign, strategically placed on the side of the railway so that everyone could see. It read:

**Thanks For Visiting Tulsa, Oklahoma **

**Come Again Soon!**

And who knows...  
maybe I would.


End file.
